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Understanding Frame Control


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I'm trying to understand frame control right now.
I stumbled unto mindpersuasion products somehow, and I love it! Some cutting edge stuff here that I wasn't able to consciously verbalize before. I recently read the frame control book, and I'm also listening to rejection proof subliminal.

I just finished my first read of the frame control book. It's quite difficult to grasp the concept. The book says frame is  the meaning of an event. Let's take an event that happened from today. I approached a group and said, "hey this is where all the fun people are!". And one girl teased me saying, "excuse me, you can't be here you're not fun". I walked away. 

Do I understand correctly that my frame was that she rejected me? 
- if that's the case then the frame of a situation could be fluctuating all the time even if it's the frame of ONE person? (my own interpretation of this event is not solid or finalized. She could have been teasing me, she could have truly thought I was not fun). 
- you said it's the structure of an event? So it's not really the stuff happening inside (content). In this case, the content is that I approached, and she told me I wasn't fun? 

A few re-frames of this would be:
- she didn't reject me. She saved me from a boring conversation.
- She didn't reject me. She likes me and she was flirting.
- She was helping me become a better person, by pointing out a flaw I have. 
*So a reframe is basically not changing what happened, just looking at the SAME event with a different meaning/perspective? 

And to out-frame in this situation.... I would acknowledge and still have my frame intact? 
The problem is that I was just going into the conversation to have fun and joke around. So it's not like I had the intention to get a girl's number. Even if just being with people is my goal, how do I acknowledge and maintain frame (and hence outframe?) 

- Do I just say, "yes I am not fun. and I'll still talk to you guys".  <- that's not right for sure. But I am acknowledging what she said, and I'm still maintaining my intention? 

When a person rejects my request, are they testing the strength of my frame? 
When a person teases me are they also testing the strength of my frame? And if I act unaffected, or even joke back with a rebuttle it shows I have a strong frame right?


Also, frame isn't just about words right? It's also got a lot to do with action and what I do in a situation, and other skills. Like a person who knows how to get stuff done in social situations and have social savvy will have a stronger frame than a person who isn't experienced? (I remember you did mention that experience is one factor that contributes to a strong frame). So basically frame is like this intangible skill set. It's not easy to identify. But we can see it when a person is leading, taking charge, calling shots, etc? 

I'm excited to learn this stuff! Is there paid coaching here? 


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Frame tests always happen between friends and strangers.

The frame of the event is is whatever you want it to be.

You approached, she tested, you left.

However, I would recommending using what she said to practice for next time.

Instead of just having an open ended frame of having fun, pre-frame by expecting a little bit of resistance.

Pre frames are much better the outframing after the fact, at least in social situations.

Every situation is a tool to learn how to do better in the next situation.

There is never any wrong or write answer, it's always about the continuous increase in skills.

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Hi thank you for your response! 

I think I understand frame a little better now. It's not in the content of the event. Since the content would be the "You approached, she tested, you left". 
Frame would be the overall meaning of the event. And that is subject to interpretation. Would calling it a "rejection" be putting a frame around it? Or let's say it was a "success" because I approached would be like putting another frame on it?

I will check out and study the pre-frame material next.

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