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Being nice is fantastic.

But being nice is also a terrible strategy.

One is when niceness is a choice.

This is the good nice.

This is when you have power over others, or relative status, and you go out of your to NOT be a dick.

This is the kind of nice people appreciate.

The cop who lets you slide even though you were speeding.

The security guy who lets you into the expensive seats even though you don't have a ticket.

The waiter or waitress who secretly tells you the daily special tastes like crap.

This is the kind of nice everybody likes, everybody appreciates, and everybody wishes there were more of.

But the other kind of nice is a defensive nice.

It's also a non-assertive kind of nice.

This is the nice that lets people walk all over you.

Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference.

Especially inside your own head.

Somebody does something to you that is DEFINITELY not nice.

But you just kind of take it.

We pretend we DECIDE to be "nice" to them.

But some people don't DESERVE our niceness.

Some people deserve to be checked.

Especially when they are MANIPULATING our niceness.

Some people are ninjas are manipulation.

For them, that's the ONLY way they can get what they want.

Both NICE behavior, and manipulative behavior are based on the same internal belief.

That thinking your "true" inner self is "broken."

So the two most COMMON ways to keep people from finding out about that is to be overly nice.

Or to be manipulative.

But consider this idea.

It is IMPOSSIBLE for anybody to know the real you.

Even spouses who have been married for decades don't really know each other on a "real you" level.

They even say things like, "I don't even know who you are anymore."

The most famous description of next door serial killers are, "he seemed like such a nice guy."

Forget the idea of ANYBODY ever really knowing the real you.

Instead, let them know your behavior.

You talk to somebody for a few minutes, ALL they'll know is you're behavior.


Be outgoing.

Find out about THEM.

Find out some good things about them.

Conversationally, this is very easy.

The more you focus on your simple conversation, and ditch any goofy ideas about "inherent value" the more people will ENJOY YOU.

Little kids think in terms of "like" or "love."

She loves me, she loves me not.

Instead, focus on being friendly and creating a mutually enjoyable conversation.

Then more and more people will ENJOY you.

More and more people will remember you FONDLY.

More and more people will look forward to seeing you again.

This will quickly become a self-sustaining loop.

This is how naturals BECOME naturals.

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