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One common piece of "advice" is to fake it till you make it.

Sometimes this works pretty well.

Other times it is bad advice.

It works well when there is a simple correlation between inner state and outer behavior.

And it's in an environment that is conducive.

What's this mean?

Normally, we think and behave naturally.

We don't think about how we think.

And we don't think about our thinking affects our behavior.

Like if you are happy, you will naturally smile.

But you can first smile, and hold it until it affects your inner state.

And if you happen to be in a conducive environment, other people will see you smile and some will smile back.

So if you are unhappy inside, but you FORCE yourself to exhibit happy behavior by smiling, you're faking it.

Because it's a pretty close correlation between inner state and outer behavior, AND the environment is conducive to this, this is where faking it till you make it works.

Even better is when you combine two simple "faked states."

Like if you FORCE yourself to walk more upright and confident, AND you smile.

If you're around fairly friendly people, this will work pretty well.

On the other hand, faking it till you make it is HORRIBLE advice.

Imagine trying this when selling $500 vacuum cleaners door to door.

And you were trying to "fake" being the greatest vacuum cleaner salesman of all time.

The reason this would be a disaster is neither of the two conditions are present.

Not only is there NOT a simple correlation between inner state and outer behavior, but there is the OPPOSITE of a conducive environment.

Most self help advice is like this.

Pretty simple, and useful in SOME situations, but not in many.

Sure, they sound good.

Which means they're easy to remember.

But in order to achieve real and continued success, you need to have a lot of skills.

Inner skills and outer skills.

Inner skills of thinking and feeling.

Outer skills of speaking and behaving.

And skills of reading the inner state of others.

Often, this is the missing ingredient in a LOT of situations.

You can remember all the best language patterns and techniques.

But if you use them at the wrong time, with the wrong person, they'll backfire.

The more you can READ the internal state of the person you're interacting with, the less you need to worry about complex external behavior.

And more often than not, being able to accurately read others simply means turning OFF your inner anxiety.

Since humans, in our natural state, are resonators.

We can FEEL what each other is thinking and feeling with a lot of accuracy.

But only when you get rid of the useless junk inside.

Learn How:



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