Need Your Help...(Shame, Embarassment Pattern)

[jerrymp]

Alright, how do I start this...

As someone who can predict all these different types of patterns during these various forms of human relationships. 

There is a particularly pattern, I do not enjoy one bit. And that is the shame-embarrassment pattern.

Particularly, it's when the girl is shaming you or embarrassing you during the attraction.

She is creating a pattern of trying to make you feel weaker and make you less powerful or whatever.  There are not many types of winning solutions in this pattern. 
1) You think of it as a childish game and out maneuver it

2)You let her poke fun at you and accept the lose

3) You think of it as fun (which still is not really fun)

This pattern comes up when talking to a girl, and she is doing a lot of 'weird' stuff to gauge you or assess you. Which I don't particularly respect whatsoever, but, you're so play a long otherwise there is no game...

What do you do in this case? 

Do you have fun despite the shame effect?

Do you just win the challenge this way it increases the attraction?

At this point of the "seduction" or "mating" process the game is pretty much over. Usually what happens is I do a multiple of things correctly, then she finds one tiny flaw, and it's pretty much game over. Because she discovers I am not good under this pretense. 

In attraction, doing the right answers increases attraction.

So what do I do?

[jerrymp]

This pattern is the whole reason behind the fear of mistakes or perfectionism mindset pattern that was created before, then when they do this shame pattern, it naturally creates another weird issue which is like a giant annoying effect...

[admin]

That is discussed at length in "Stop Manipulation"

http://mindpersuasion.com/manipulation/

Also, in Verbal Assassin.

http://mindpersuasion.com/verbal-assassin/

Essentially, you remain calm, and use the meta model to find out EXACTLY what she means, and EXACTLY why she thinks it is true.

Ultimately, NOTHING she says is true (unless she's spouting chemistry equations). 

The strategy is to remain calm and non-reactive (takes practice) and merely asking meta-model based questions (without any anger or judgement whatsoever) about why she holds that OPINION.

Eventually she'll get to the point where she has no idea why,  and she'll start of feel the shame.

The only reason people do this is to PROJECT their shame onto you,  so YOU don't notice the stuff they are TERRIFIED you will find.

This technique slowly and carefully reverts it back to her.

You MUST remain absolutely calm for this to work.

This is a skill and it requires a lot of practice.

First with friends, then with unattractive strangers, then with strangers.

[jerrymp]

Thank you! 

Thank you for the advice! 

Always appreciate your wisdom.

[TWM]

TW here, just registered today and bought Secret Agent Persuasion, Lazy Way Persuasion and a whole lot of George's other books on Amazon!

My question is simple but not easy:

How do you teach/train yourself to be calm?

I've been meditating and still encounter moments when I'm in a verbal confrontation with someone and mentally telling myself to remain calm and I kind of do so, but inside I am boiling with rage.

Is there  a technique or one of your programs that helps with this?

Appreciate the advice!

[admin]

There is one technique in the Emotional Intelligence book.

Here's a quick rundown.

First identify the memories that upset you. 

Second, ignore all the elements of that, the situation, the context, the other people, their intentions, etc.

Just FEEL the feeling.

Problems come when we feel things and try to change them. We can't change them, so we try and suppress them.

From an ancient, instinctive standpoint, this used to be a good thing. Do SOMETHING to get rid of the negative feeling.

But since modern life is so complicated, this isn't always possible.

So the "trick" is to feel the feeling without need to change it. FORGET all the other stuff. ONLY focus on the feeling.

Feel the energy in the feeling separate from any thing else.

Feel the energy as the SAME ENERGY that makes up everything else in the universe.

Meditate on that.

Take away the events that lead to the rage and even the label "rage" itself.

Just focus on the PURE ENERGY that makes up the rage.

Just feel it and let it do whatever it wants.

Of course, this will take practice. Start small and work your way up.

 

[TWM]

Hey George

It's been a while and I just wanted to return to say THANK YOU! I've totally changed my life around by understanding that all suffering is based on attachment or resistance to people and things.  

I now totally allow myself to feel my feelings and if I feel mad then I feel it out and then it dissipates all on its own