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Social Skills Flow State


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If you ever get stuck in a social situation and you don't know what to do, it's usually too late.

Humans behave BEST when we are operating mostly subconsciously.


In sports, the coveted flow state is when you are operating at a very high level AND mostly unconsciously.

When it seems like you are WATCHING yourself perform.

This can happen socially as well.

For most of us, this happens with close friends with whom we have a ton of built in rapport.

This is when conversations flow and good times roll.

But it is also possible to create this social flow state with people you've just met.

This requires we think a little meta.

If you want to get good at something, you have to practice.

The more you practiced, the higher level of unconscious competence you'd become.

For example, it's pretty easy to get to the level of unconscious competence playing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" on the piano.

But getting to that same level of unconscious competence while playing something like Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata would take a LOT more practice.

So how can you develop unconscious competence, that flow state, with social situations involving people you DON'T KNOW?

By practicing talking to people you don't know.

Most people don't like this idea.

They only like the idea of talking to somebody they are interested in.

This is actually a form of self-deception.

They think about being social and outgoing around EVERYBODY, and it scares them.

So they cover up this fear by saying things like, "Why would I talk to THAT person? I'm not interested in them!"

But by practicing friendly small talk with EVERYBODY, you'll be practicing social skills on a META level.

And you'll soon get to know "people" on a structural level.

After you talk to ENOUGH people, you'll realize TWO THINGS about everybody.

One, that everybody is unique in some way.

Two, everybody is VERY SIMILAR in many ways.

And once you feel this similarity on a deep and unconscious level, all fear will VANISH.

This means talking to anybody NEW will seem familiar.

Which means it will be much easier to enter into that free flowing, outcome independent flow state.

Which everybody finds INSANELY attractive.

This REQUIRES that you see small talk as something you PRACTICE.

Not something you do because you ONLY enjoy it.

That would be like somebody who doesn't exercise because they don't enjoy it.

It takes a while to ENJOY exercising.

And it will always be BOTH a means and an end.

So will small talk.

It may suck to think of practicing it.

But when it becomes both a means and an end, you will be developing some very rare, and very attractive, social skills.

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