admin Posted January 9, 2019 Report Share Posted January 9, 2019 A commonly used term is "detached from outcome." This is often talked about, as if it were a "holy grail" state or event. It's very similar to the idea of "self actualization." Both are desirable states. Both are very vaguely described. Both in terms of what they are, and in terms of how you get there. And both are mostly misunderstood. As luck would have it, they are VERY similar. Or, at the very least, they CAN be. Self actualization comes from Maslow. Now, right off the bat, we need to say that Maslow was NOT a scientist. He didn't do a whole slew of double blind studies. He didn't invalidate any null hypothesis. His idea of self actualization, and the pyramid it sits atop of, is just that. An IDEA. A very clever idea, but an idea. Even then it's mostly misunderstood. We all have needs. We will have needs till the day we die. And his "hierarchy" is a kind of subjective value system of those needs. Some are very basic and animalistic. Food, shelter, safety, sex. The needs that satisfy our "higher" selves are higher up on the pyramid. Self actualization is up on top. But here's the thing. We will ALWAYS be locked in our "animal" bodies. We will always need to eat, sleep and relieve ourselves. (No matter HOW self actualized you are, you WILL need to take a dump sooner or later.) So the idea that we can "get" to the top of the pyramid is a myth. The "self actualization" pyramid is more like the food pyramid. A recommendation. Or perhaps a guess at how much time we'll spend in each kind of need. Meaning that since we ALWAYS need to eat, sleep, and relieve ourselves, no matter WHAT you do, you will ALWAYS be spending the bulk of your time in the lower section of that "hierarchy." How does this related to that coveted state of "detached from outcome"? Consider this the same idea. It is something that is ONLY possible when the "lower levels" are more or less (and temporarily) satisfied. When it comes to having conversations, that means feelings of comfort, safety and rapport. But it also means having a LOT of much larger frames. For example, in baseball, it's easy to be "detached from outcome" early in the season because you have a lot more games to play. In the last game of the world series, not so much. Luckily, a lot of this is very much in your control. To create a, "still early in the season," feeling. And NOT a, "last game of the world series," feeling. It requires having a much LARGER frame. A whole set of larger frames. If your ONLY frame is that particular conversation, you'll feel like it's bottom of the ninth and two outs, based loaded, down by three. If you have LOTS of larger frames, it will feel like spring training. Which means you can relax and have fun. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/cb/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.