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The Yo-Yo Social Anxiety Myth


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I had a roommate once who decided to get into shape.

He's been out of shape for a long time.

And he decided to start running.

He, like most people, did way too much too soon.

Next time I saw him he had ace bandages on both knees.

This is the source of the famous yo-yo diet.

You see yourself in the mirror and get disgusted.

So you make a VOW to lose weight.

You start off with TONS of motivation.

But the further away in time you get from that initial burst of motivation, the harder it is to maintain.

When you had the initial burst of motivation, the BENEFITS were clear in your mind.

But the costs were not.

The more you move forward in time, the more the costs pile up.

And since the motivation was to move away from a negative, the benefits get smaller as you go forward in time.

Pretty soon the costs OUTWEIGH the benefits, and you stop.

Gaining back whatever you'd lost.

Most people repeat this process again and again.

This is common when it comes to physical fitness.

The DESIRE is clear, but the costs to get that desire are not.

The costs are difficult, but they don't cause anxiety.

Anxiety creates a completely different set of costs.

So this same process, when it happens with social skills, seems a billion times worse.

You have a clear DESIRE.

Maybe to become outgoing.

Maybe to talk to a certain person.

So long as your safely at home, it's easy to imagine the benefit.

But as soon as the rubber meets the road, you feel a HUGE internal resistance.

With something like weight loss, the resistance builds slowly.

The costs slowly increase, and the benefits slowly decrease.

But with anything social skills related, it's like a smack in the face.

You could be TOTALLY pumped up in the car.

But as soon as you get inside, and start making eye contact with others, that resistance is very sudden, and very strong.

Losing weight is difficult.

But it doesn't evoke any ancient fears of death.

When you think of exposing yourself socially, it DOES.

Your ancient monkey brain actually feels life threatening fear.

So using the yo-yo metaphor isn't even appropriate.

So, how can you get around this very common problem?

By understanding it and breaking it down.

To the most BASIC elements.

Turns out when you just suck it up and get out there, you are combining a LOT of elements.

Each of which can be treated INDIVIDUALLY.

And privately.

So you can slowly build them up individually and privately.

Until you're ready to get out there.

And when you do, it will feel natural and automatic.

No sucking it up required.

Learn How:


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