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How To Project Congruence


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There's a common tendency to think that we need the right words.

We have an idea of what we want, and we focus on having some kind of conversation to make it happen.

Any time this involves other people that can say "yes" or "no" to our ideas, this creates a lot of anxiety.

If you know anything about therapy, there is something called a "presenting problem."

This is the thing the patient SAYS they want to talk about.

But it's never the REAL issue.

The real issue is usually much deeper.

Something they don't even know about.

Experienced therapists know that in order to find that deep issue, they FIRST have to address the presenting problem.

The thing up their on the surface.

Once they get THAT dealt with, it's just matter of "allowing" the patient to discover, on their own, that the issue is much deeper.

This is also the same structure of arguments within long standing relationships.

It's NEVER about the toothpaste cap or the toilet seat.

It's really about much deeper issues.

Respect, validation, being taken for granted, boundary issues, etc.

If you watch movies, you can tell right away whether it's a good movie or a bad movie.

One clue it's a bad movie is the actors are horrible.

Funny thing about acting is it's about MUCH MORE than just memorizing the right words.

Anybody can remember a bunch of words.

It's HOW you say them that's important.

Whether you truly BELIEVE them.

This makes the difference between A-list actors that make millions per movie, and struggling actors that you find on straight-to-streaming duds.

The CONGRUENCE with which they deliver the lines.

So when we tell ourselves we don't know what to "say" it's not the issue.

Just like the fight isn't about the toothpaste cap.

Or when the presenting problem isn't the real issue.

When it comes to social situations, the real issue is that we are presenting ourselves.

As much as we try to pretend, our energy is always out there.

For all to see.

With the right energy and congruence, the words you say don't matter.

With the right energy and congruence, you could walk up and say hey, and you'd be in like Flynn.

But with the wrong energy and a lack of congruence, you'd come across like those lame actors that are only on Netflix.

How do you CHANGE your energy?

Luckily, the energy you project is a collection of skills.

Once upon a time, all A-list actors sucked just like everybody else.

But they practiced.

What skills?

The one's you'll find in here:


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