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How To Become Approachable


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There's a interesting idea in linguistics.

It says that languages that have a built in politeness verb conjugation do so because of a certain historical past.

If you were say something polite in English, for example, you use the second conditional.

"Would you like fries or a baked potato?"

The "would" is shorthand way if saying:

"I'm not going to be so rude as to ask you, since what you want is none of my business, but if I DID ask, what would you like?"

English uses the second conditional in polite sentences because it puts the question in "hypothetical land."

Which is the whole point of the second conditional.

To talk about hypothetical things.

Compared to the first conditional, which talks about things that are likely.


First Conditional:

If it rains, I will get wet. (present tense + will)

Second Conditional:

IF I saw an alien, I would take a picture, (past tense + would)

So in English, we use the second conditional to be polite, but we also use it to talk about aliens or other things that won't likely happen.

But some languages have a very specific verb structure that ONLY is used with polite forms.

And linguists believe this is an artifact of their past.

When it was perfectly legal for upper class people to KILL lower class people for disrespect.

For example, if you were a samurai in ancient Japan (very upper class) and some peasant didn't bow properly, you could chop his head off.

And nobody would say boo.

Consider that ALL polite language is meant in the same way.

To avoid angering the listener.

Or to avoid getting a negative response.

When we walk up to a stranger on the street, and we have a need to talk to them, we INSTINCTIVLEY use polite language.

Not because we care about their feelings, because we don't want to "appear rude."

This is hard to accept, but being polite is just as much about our fears as it is a concern for their feelings.

But beneath this idea is a much more important idea.

That we use polite language when the person is UNAPPROACHABLE.

Someone who radiates PURE approach-ability is also radiating safety.

The rare energy that says "I won't hurt you. It's OK to come and talk to me."

Even though we may think that consciously, we are almost always sending some kind of "anxiety" energy that makes the person approaching us feel the need to use polite language.

But if you GET RID of all that anxiety energy, you will become VERY approachable.

This is the kind of energy that DRAWS people to you.

This is ATTRACTIVE energy.

The kind that VERY FEW people have.

But it's also a kind of energy that YOU can develop.

And once you develop, you will have a very rare, and very attractive, presence.

Learn How:


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