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The Paradox Of Urgency


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Humans take a while to learn things.

Most of the time, this is intuitive.

If you decided to become a decent piano player, for example, you would expect that it would take some time.

Same with learning a foreign language.

For some things, we don't like the idea of having to wait.

It's like we've got a part of our brain that always has to be the kid in the back seat on a family trip.

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

Paradoxically, the desire to hurry up and get there is often the thing that trips us up the most.

By going too fast, we burn out, and end up further back.

Normally, we go forward with two steps, and take one step back.

That one step back is crucial.

Without it the progress forwards stops.

That step backward is when we try something and it doesn't work.

Or something unexpected happens.

But buried with that step back is new information.

New insights, ideas and data that allow us to take the next two steps.

And if we're in the right rhythm, the two steps forward create another step back, which creates another two steps forward.

But if we hurry up, and go too many steps forward, we'll end up many more steps back.

Our desire to hurry up is actually slowing us down.

The necessary patience to keep us on track is what gets us the furthest forward.

Whenever you're unsure about what to do, taking a few minutes or hours or even days to carefully plan your next move might be the best step.

Patience is the necessary ingredient that makes all progress possible.

Especially when you are patient with yourself.

Nowhere is this more important than in creating relationships, especially romantic relationships.

Think of creating relationships as allowing them the time to "learn" about  you.

They need time to remember you.

To use those memories to build up those ideas about you.

Those ideas that will be self-fulfilling.

The best things in life take time.

Time to grow and evolve on their own.

Tell that to your little kid in the back seat, wondering if you're there yet.

The more patient you are, the better it will be.

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