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How to change negative patterns inside your mind


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When dealing with a problematic or stressful situation, you might have the tendancy to turn outward to lash out at events or people.  However, looking inward will get you further as it allows you to embrace your feelings and admit what is going on as well as returning you to a place of control.


So let's say that you have a bad encounter with a sibling.  Rather than lashing out at that person, let's try this.


Turn inward and examine your feelings.  What are you feeling now? Anger?  Resentment?  Own up to it.


Now, what are the images and sounds associated with this event in your mind?  For instance, maybe you see a big angry face of your brother yelling at you.  Or, you might hear his loud voice.


In  your mind, you can now control these events.


Dial down the tone of his voice to a more quiet or respectful level.  If you see an angry face, then distort it to replace it with a more loving image (such as a memory of your sibling from childhood).  Now you are controlling your memories and putting yourself back into control by manipulating the negative images and patterns that are trying to form in your head.


Later when you think back on this situation, you won't experience the same painful, visceral response as you did the first time and not as likely to feel disgruntled or holding a grudge. 





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Guest Beverly

Once I had a very bad run in with our landlord.  She was extremely vicious with her tone of voice and even derogatory.  The situation she was complaining about was out of my control and so I felt helpless.  For awhile after that, I had anxiety related to the hostile event where I would see her angry face yelling at me viciously.


At some point, it was so bad that I got tired of it.  Then I learned of a technique where you misshapen the person's face so that it becomes ridiculous looking, even laughable.  I tried that idea, making her image look all blurred and unrecognizable as if smudging wet paint.


After that, the feelings of anxiety and fear of this person went away and I stopped feeling resentful toward her for her behavior.  This was a very effective technique that I would recommend to anyone who has trouble moving on after a traumatic or violent event.

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