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Lucid (Journal II)


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I've returned.

So much has happened to me since my last post. I'm not quite sure how to even go about detailing it all.

A lot has happened. Personal growth. Spiritual growth. Successes. Failures. 

I've returned to gain some powerful mind-tools and help with improving myself. 

I couldn't think of anyone smarter at explaining the universe than an NLP master and his community, which is why I'm back. 


I have to admit. I'm at a pretty low place emotionally right now. In the wake of the recent hurricanes and storms, most of my homeland and where I grew up as a child had been completely eradicated and left bare for looters and criminals to scavenge what they can from the clutches of a failed government system. 

I kept contemplating myself. My mortality. My legacy. 

For the first time, in the wake of the power of nature, I felt totally helpless. 

How often, even among my successes, opportunities and wealth do I feel like a powerless victim, surpassed by my own peers. 

And then it hit me. 

Get up off of your ass. And try and do something.

Which prompted my return.  But a return in a different way. 

This time, I feel more grounded and surefooted for my quest for knowledge, truth and creating my own reality. 

You see why I came back, don't you?

This community will serve me as a vessel, or vehicle to get all of my goals fulfilled. 

Truly, I have questions.

For those with knowledge, I hope you'll help me on this journey.

Look forward to me journaling again.



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September 21 2017

I have a college course in public speaking. Its been...a while. I dont know how long, but Ive been listening to my Charisma Generator tracks (Im buying the buy the book too).

Its a topic that was very important to me. Infact for a few days Ive been very emotionally distraught, but I continued to listen to my track.

I listen to it as I sleep. And I listen to it in my daily life as I walk around. I like to actively visualize the results etc, and the droning beats really put me into a nice state.

I got to talk to one of my mentors (in creative writing), and we were talking about my latest art pieces and projects Im planning to release. In walks in my current professor, who happens to be best friends with my mentor. (Hes also great. He soon too will be my mentor.) They then continued to essentially talk about me IN MY PRESENCE about how great I am and..well other topics we had on our minds. I appreciated the compliments and the magnetism made me feel better.

My speech? It went well. Incredibly well. Actually. People began crying during my speech, and someone asked me for my number incase Id like a few voiceover or acting gigs because "my voice and presence is amazing".

Ironically when he gave HIS speech earlier I was dissecting his movements and charisma..the way he addressed people calmly and walked around, looking people in a calm collected way whereas everyone else was nervous and fluttering.

I decided. Im going to out do him. The whole time I visualized purple magnetic streams coming from peoples hearts to myself, who was enveloped in a large purple being--a maginified envelope of myself. 

I imagined serpents wrapping around them and binding themselves to me. And purple clouds, a haze covering over the room like a blanket.

I went up there and...I cant tell what happened. I ZONED OUT. Became someone else. My movements felt slow, deliberate and controlled. In felt at HOME and comfortable. And was 100% vulnerable, open and emotionally honest with the crowd. And they connected. I brought them INTO my universe.

Ive had another experience like this before. To be honest, I now see these moments are easily replicable. Its not a one time thing.

I remember people smiling at me and lighting up. Cheering as I ended my speech.

Ill continue and repeat my process for this subliminal. Im going to buy George's book. And do this process for all tracks until this is looped in my mind.


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September 22 2017

Very interesting advice George. I'll have to research what each of those mean first, since I'm a total beginner in all of these sorts of linguistic patterns. Perhaps you can explain or point me in the direction to find a good source to explain those. Once I do get them in though...god I'll be so excited to have a new tool (toy) in my arsenal to use.

I'd really love to get pointed in the right direction for a total beginner like me to get right into NLP Tactics and some Hypnosis-esque sources to up my person-to-person communication and charisma game. 


I just bought the Charisma Generator book to read online to compliment the tracks I'm listening to.Today was a good day. I felt so much more comfortable and confident in my own skin. And I can't help but love listening to the subliminal while I walk around on my daily commute. The drone really helps me to center and think in my mind for a second without so much blasting music and rushing around and what not.

I'm mostly a loner when it comes to being in public--I hate small talk and usually small interactions with people do nothing for me. Although at a certain point I honestly asked myself "why the hell are so many people eyeballing me?" Of Course, I'll have to change that once I get a few new toys up my sleeve. 

Things I'd like to change. I'd really like a sense of more latent attraction to the commuters around me--although college classes tend to promote people being quite, distant and just 'going about their independent life' once life resumes outside of class. I just know that once I get up in front of a crowd, I'd be able to test more of my abilities on everyone else. I just SWITCH ON when I'm in front of crowds or people where I need to get it going. In terms of every day small talk? That's a lesser chance.

Although not really I suppose...because there's always a few people who absolutely love me no matter where I go or what I do. My mentors, random people I meet..and possibly now that entire room of people I presented to. So I suppose that's just another belief of mines worth changing.

Either way these tools will help me on my goals.


Oh, my goals. What are they, you ask?

Well, allow me to break it down for you.

My Goals

"I want to take off the 'auto-pilot' mode."

It seems like NLP and Hypnosis are my closest bet at doing exactly that.

We go around our entire lives dictated by pre-determined beliefs that we had little to no hand in creating.

Life happened, so we happened.

Granted some circumstances are outside of my absolute control, but taking whatever power I can for my own life improvement is my ultimate goal.

I happened, so Life happened around me.

But what happens when someone decides to live consciously and control certain aspects for the first time?

Control your own mind, learn how other minds work--and use this knowledge to create a brighter future.

In charge of my beliefs, manifestations, charismatic energy, intelligence, material abundance, and my influence over people.

I couldn't think of a better mentor other than George Hutton himself. (Or well, being 'mentored' through his products.)

If we can believe that everything is learn-able and nothing happens by chance but my pattern and form then my goal is to unravel as many patterns and forms and integrate them into myself for my own use. This, by the way, is my ultimate mission statement and why I returned to this website. 

But what about your music and art?

Obviously these goals still exist, but figuring out and learning about these broader topics will only allow their benefits to trickle down into every aspect of my life.

So by fulfilling one goal, the other will indirectly become fulfilled. Every form of knowledge and discipline will somehow bleed into another, so it's a general tool that can be used for anything.

The music and art is easy in concept: It's a matter of knowledge, skill, networking and practice.


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Nice! Thanks George I'll make sure to pick that up soon. I see there's an easy overlapping link between hypnotic seduction (in a sexual sense) and hypnotic seduction in a more social setting. Seems like a good place to start out at. I'll come back for more recommendations once I've digested more material.

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For those reading along, the stories in the hypnotic seduction book are in three categories (seven fully written nested loop stories).

The first seven are for a general feeling of comfort and connection. These would be most appropriate for using in speeches. It would make your listeners feel really connected to you.

There's also a section on writing your own loops for your own reasons, sales, or whatever.

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September 23 2017

Dream/Vision Journal
Last night I stood up late playing video games and watching youtube videos. Just chilling since I know I'd get up early this morning to clean my apartment up, do laundry and finish my assignments for the week.  Great relaxing time--I stood up till about 3 AM and woke up somewhere around 10 AM this morning (not really EARLY, but you get it.) 

I had a really good time last night. I just can't remember it, but I remember having good dreams. I didn't visualize directly before sleep this time, but I did have an experience I enjoyed. See, I usually sleep for a few minutes with my subliminal tracks in. But during the night on my bed while I was relaxing, a swooping feeling of ecstasy (I just dipped into flow) happened. I routinely sometimes just visualize according to my subliminal tracks out of habit and just for entertainment. Like "how cool can I look with this? how cool does this feel as a symbol?". 

For those that don't know me well, I have a personal affiliation with snakes. Never really held a snake in person. I just like what they symbolize.  I think they look graceful and calm. Controlled wisdom and power, rebirth and evolution. Cyclical time of seasons and self-sufficiency. All of that good stuff. While I was in flow I saw two huge serpents wrapping around my naked body, up between my lefts and swirling their way up to my neck, near my head. The other was lower down near my waist in a very similar pattern. There were flowers in bloom on these snakes if I remembered correctly, and I just stood there.

I wasn't being choked or harmed. It felt more like they wrapped themselves around me like I was their kin. They were calm and supportive in energy, and I felt powerful and secure with them there. It 4PM when I'm writing this and I'm still thinking about it. Felt cool. Felt good.


I noticed since I began to routinely listen to these, even in my commuting life, that it's become easier to dip into a sort of 'droning' state. Probably because I always listen to the tracks because they seem to cancel out the noise of the commuters outside when I'm walking about. There's two ways I listen to is. I either focus my hearing on the 256 voices, which I internally call "300 birds", because they just sound like chirping birds to me. Or I focus on the droning beats behind the voices. When I do the latter, it's easier to dip into that state of droning-ness. Which I'm going to go ahead and call the Theta State. 

I'm going to have to look for those pure theta files again and get them to see how they affect my creativity or meditation practices. 


Daily Routines, Practice

Ahh, daily routine and practice. The one thing I understand mentally but can't seem to physically get my body to do it. There's always a big dream, and a small excuse that makes me miss out on doing the little daily things to make it a reality.  Yes I know 'big dreams' require small chunks of stepping stones--I know that. It's doing the chunks that's my problem. Like..why am I always so fucking sleepy, hungry, tired or depressed when I want to get something done. But then I can spent 12+ hours on Youtube looking at ACTUAL dogs and cars. 

The weird part is that I know I have multiple great talents and potential because:

A.) I can loose weight and get in shape easily, I've done that before. But I don't seem to do it even if I want to now.

B.) Practicing Vocals, writing and actually putting my music skills to use..no sir. 

So I'm used to creating these HUGE schedules of what I should do in a day. I've planned the whole "Get up at 7AM. Have breakfast etc. Meditate. Affirmations. Workout. School. Assignments. Volunteering. Practice Vocals. Writing. Music Classes. Rest. Repeat."

See I can write it on paper.

CANT for the LIFE OF ME actually DO IT.



Honestly it feels like my minds just doing it's own thing. I do admit, I've been depressed ever since Irma came and destroyed essentially everything I held dear to my heart. But mourning time is over. Since I've began my NLP/Hypnosis/Whatever I'm Doing Here journey, my spirits have been a bit lifted. Maybe because I can feel some movement forwards so I'm more encouraged.

So I'm not quite sure on how to get these little mundane things done. All of these mundane, daily actions will eventually snowball and gain enough momentum to lead to a life I'd like to live. But doing it seems to be my problem. There's some sort of glass wall I cant get past here. 

So far, my next plan is to throw the schedule to the back burner and just free-form all of my daily objectives and see how it goes? Maybe the concept of scheduling in logical fashion doesn't suit my mind. I want to be able to practice and do these things and look forward to them. Not have them be a drag. have no idea, but I'll be chronicling my progress on getting back to the momentum of practice again.


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September 24, 2017

So here's what I'm doing so far.

A.) Social Magnetism Subliminal Track, Visualization, Journaling and sometimes I write my affirmations

B.) Charisma Generator Book 

C.) Hypnotic Suggestions Book

I'm doing a bit of reading for both. Generally whenever I read a book I write down the things I've learnt in a separate space so I can glean the lessons and my thoughts from it without needing to always reference the book again.

Anyways. I've noticed a few things so far. 


Hypnotic Suggestions Observations

I'm just before the "Image Streaming" chapter of this book. No rush. I'd rather slowly digest a concept and have it down than rush through a book and not know what's going on.

Giving Kids the Icecream

This analogy made me curious. When we use our powers of influence on someone--whose thought is it to do what we suggested? It's as much manipulation as it is putting candy in front of children, knowing they'd eat it all. So it made me think, how many of my thoughts are even 'my own' or 'original', coming from no other source other than myself? Which sent me down a rabbit hole of re-thinking all of my decisions. My answer right now is..I don't know. I would say such an analogy is a two way street. I have my own motives, the adult providing the candy has his (Oh god, I just thought of white vans and candy..). Either way, I see the potential existential crisis that covert hypnosis brings up for me here.

Nested Loops, Embedding Commands & Pausing

Okay, so I theoretically understand the idea of nested loops/broken stories and putting a few embedded commands wedged between these stories in a closed loop. Easy in concept. A good way to really nail an embedded command is to pause before and after, just a little bit. And then I realized HOLY FUCK George Hutton does this shit ALL the damn time. Actually it seems like he uses the tools he writes down in his own book quite often on his own sales pages.  Once I became consciously aware it's like my ears woke up to it a bit more. Which was great because a.) the more you know b.) now I have someone to 'copy' 

When I first saw a video of George speaking in person I figured "why does he pause like that..maybe it's just the way he is. Whatever. It's definitely interesting to listen to the way he pauses like that. It's fun to listen to." I mean, in my head sometimes I'd even follow along and think about the way he'd say certain things after the fact. At first I felt like "He's quite a slippery one for being able to slide his way into my mind to make me buy these products." I mean, I did feel a tiny bit weird. But then I realized well..if he's using these tools and also clearly outlining that he's using them...that's somehow a bit confusing. A salesman selling you his product using a special method of communication, while his product DETAILS said method of communication. If he ever had to prove himself as not being a snake, he just did to me. Brownie points to you, George. 

I wouldn't say I'm paranoid of him being a sort of con-man on a conscious level. Moreso curious as to who he is, how does he know all of this, and why's he selling this stuff online anyways. Either way it's good stuff. Interesting read thus far. 

Spacial Anchoring (L/R/SP)

Spacial anchoring..I've seen a presenter do this before. Actually I've felt anchoring before myself, so this was a familiar topic to me. I once watched a romantic drama TV show and every moment the two main characters had a romantic scene, they'd play this song. Over and over and over. Now whenever they triggered that song, even if it wasn't in a romantic setting (I just youtubed it once), all of a sudden I got SUPER emotional. (Yes I know, I was really really into that show, okay!)

I'm left-handed so gesturing to anchor a positive emotion feels more practical using my left hand. Call me ignorant but that shouldn't have any significant differences, right?

Also, how big a gesture would special anchoring entail. Not sure.

Charisma Generator Observations

'Charismatic Pausing' (Open Loops on a Sentence-Level) 

Alright so this is my favorite part. Charisma Generator always mentions a few things.

1) Presence in the Moment

2) Charismatic Pauses

3) Open, Hypnotic, Relaxed Gaze

4) Slow Movements

I have ALWAYS LOVED watching this interview of Prince. I'd just listen to it over and over because there was something so interesting in how he talks.

He's so quaint. His presence invites you into his universe. It's quite, frank and feels like a personal meeting in a nook.

His pauses, slow movements, gaze, his slow speaking patterns.

What about being slow to move in this way so..charismatic. God damn.

If ANYONE is reading this I compel you to listen up till at least 4.50 and see what I'm talking about.



Daily Routines & Practice

Today was a sleepy Sunday. I finished my extra laundry. Did some light cleaning. The usual weekend stuff to prevent my apartment from exploding into a mess. 

Some reading today, learning and absorbing the information from George's books.

Honestly reading these books makes me feel good. Not even going to try and hide it.

Perhaps a part of me feels motion forward, and by lifting myself up in mood this way I honestly feel motivated to get in gear for the week and actively put myself out there and pursue the things I want to do.

And then a part of me says, it's all in my mind. Just do it.

Anyways, now with this rising uplift..it reminds me of what I'm truly capable of.

And how much potential I can grow into.

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Quick Question

So I've been trying to meditate recently, and unlike other times in the past when I've meditated or tried to center and calm myself, all I get now is VERY PISSED. I don't know what it is. I just get super tense. I can't slow my breathing down in a natural way and I just become enraged during the meditation process.

I'm guessing this is negative emotion and thought I had sitting somewhere inside me for a long while that's being "released" while I meditate? Released..or realized. I'm not quite sure how to avoid it. But as I'm sitting here now I just feel  angst  post-meditation. What's going on here? I usually feel calm and rested after meditation, or even a while after slowing my breathing. Now it's the total opposite. 

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Being able to sit quietly with little or no thoughts running through your mind is a skill that needs to be cultivated. Sometimes it's easy, sometime's it's hard. If you've just learned a lot of things that make you question the world / yourself in a different way, that's going to be hard to turn off. Consider that sitting for at least a couple minutes without thinking is something that is NOT like riding a bike, where you can pick it up again. Think of it like conditioning, where if you stop for even a couple weeks, your skills are back to square one. It's easy to meditate when life is easy/boring but very tough to mediate when it's not. More reason to see meditation, mind-quieting as a necessary daily practice, so you CAN do it no matter how chaotic your life is.

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Dream Journal

Last night was a unique experience. I used some pure beats created by George.  The theta waves made me sleepy. So I feel asleep midday. By the time I was ready to rest, I used delta waves to meditate and fell asleep. I felt great. Actually for some reason I was so energetic thereafter in the middle of the night that I had a bit of a hard time trying to fall asleep. My dream was weird too. 

I dreamed that one of my close friends (really, he's considered a brother to me) moved nearby and wanted to go firefly-catching and exploring in a nearby lush field. He came around at 12 in the night and my family at home just wouldn't let me go. It was weird, like I was some child. We were shouting and fighting about why I couldn't go (apparently firefly-catching is unholy). Needless to say I worked up such a tantrum that I ended up fainting in my dream, and falling directly on the staircase where I once fainted in real life as a child.

The next day (in dream) I went running in a park and found a perfect place to get some good running in. It was a circular slope where I could run as fast as I'd like without running out of energy. There was a nice pond/pool in the center. I saw this famous (in dream) athlete working out there, doing the same. I wanted to catch up with him, so that was my personal challenge. And I almost caught up to him. 

The athlete said "watch me do this without even using my glutes." And he did this (amazing..?) swim move. Or whatever. I'll spare the details. A coach came and bantered with him along the lines of "you may be the number 1 in this, number 9 in that, but I'm the referee  and I know the rules." 

When I woke up, I was shivering. First, I was appalled that I acted so violently at my family. I mean this was crazy. I never ever do that. On top of that I got up and my mouth instantly filled up with saliva. And this happened like 3-4 times in a row. Massive shiver and cringe--saliva--shiver..anyways. Weird. There's no significance probably, but it was interesting.

Charisma Journal

People are looking at me more often. And I look at people back. Honestly having an open gaze and people watching in the way George's books describe is pretty fun. There was an exercise involving staring at people for a minimal of 10 seconds (to get comfortable). I got caught once. The person smiled. Actually first I caught him staring at me. Then I thought 'oh this'll be fun.' I couldn't tell if he was attracted to me or curious but I could feel his attention on me. 

I don't sway that way, but it was fun to go through. Something weirdly similar happened again today, except twice in a row with the same person. My professor pulled me aside today to let me know 'I really think you maximized what I think a blog can do' (I have a required blog for the course). 

Thus far with the Social Magnetism track, I feel more glances. I feel more open to people. I feel more present.

Daily Routine Progress

I meditated today, which didn't bring up any hard emotions. I did, however, fall asleep. Baby steps. I'm more productive today, which is great. Motion forward feels great, I'll keep the momentum going. 

Baby steps. That's the motto. Tiny steps for every discipline. Eventually they will snowball.

I have many parts of my training to do. Instead of tackling all of them at one time, I plan on doing a few each day, and building up till the groove of doing them all in one day becomes normalized. Two things today, four things tomorrow, six things the day after, etc etc. I'll treat focus as a muscle I haven't trained (thanks, George). Do as much as you can for the day and grow into it with new strength tomorrow.  For example. 


Meditation, Successful dieting, daily stretch routine.

All successfully done today.


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  • 2 weeks later...

This week was ROUGH. 

Weird Dream Journal

First of all I've been having weird ass dreams, particularly with snakes involved. Which is getting a bit..strange.

At first I saw dead snake, must've been gray and about 20 feet in length. Me and my friends were afraid and couldn't tell if it was alive or not. It must have been freshly killed, because it was chopped into multiple pieces and piled on top of itself. When it was poked it started wiggling and moving, as if the nerves hadn't died all the way out yet. So I poked it and moved its head, revealing tons of ants and maggots that were eating the underside of its head. Creepy.

The next dream I had was that my brother (he's in the military) died. OR well, my mother thought it'd be a funny joke to make us think he died. I got pissed in-dream. And somewhere in that dream I remember someone handing me a small snake (like a milk snake?) for me to hold before I woke up. I didn't wake up scared, I just naturally woke up. So..super vivid dreams as of late.

Lack of Sleep Quality & Caffeine Abuse

So I've been trying to force myself to become more productive. 17 hours of college classes, my own schedule , volunteering, obligations and daily chore-related stuff. Right. So here comes me coking myself with caffeine to have enough energy to do so. And it worked. It was GREAT...for a few days. I noticed slowly throughout the week I became more and more negative...more and more somber..more and more depressed. And I also couldn't sleep well, even if that accounted for 7-8 hours. I'd wake up busted. 

By the way is it me or does caffeine work for about 3 hours before I'm sleepy again? I used to take two (rather large I guess?) cups. One before college. One after. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't shy away from a third if I needed to, but it needed to stop. Mainly because I felt in a full swing of extreme depression. I didn't hit an emotional rut like that in quite a long while. I'm pretty sure I wasn't eating all too well either--I'm not sure. Needless to say I was a sleepy depressed mess with a higher-than-usual heart rate. L-a-m-e. 

I was a few cups away from actually screaming and throwing things because not only was I getting nothing done, I could look at other more productive people and boil with envy and lack-of-self-worth. 

I killed a puppy. 

Ahh, my favorite part..

I crashed on Thursday-Friday. 

I reached my peak..or low..

Harsh migraines, extreme hunger and thirst and so sleepy I couldn't actually concentrate for very long on any one topic. I think it was by Wednesday I cut my coffee routine out. It's Saturday night and I feel totally refreshed after staying in bed, eating my energy back, and drinking so much water I should basically be a fish.

I am..never..ever..doing that again. Not worth it, and it ends up burning me out and doing less than more. So George gave me this metaphor and it really spoke to me.

"Imagine your daily behaviors is a small puppy. If you force your puppy to run as fast as you think an adult puppy would run, you'd kill it, as most people do.

But if you walked so slowly that the puppy could keep up, and let it get stronger naturally, eventually the puppy would be big dog, pulling you, and you would have to hold back. You'd be the dude in the park pulling with all his might so his dog wouldn't knock him over and drag him across the park.

If you start slow enough, your daily habits will slowly be strong enough to give you more motivation, ideas, creativity than you know what to do with,  pulling you forward."

Jeez does that make sense. And now I have a reason for this pile of dead puppi--..nevermind. 

My Personal Struggles

Going into this new week I'm going to do exactly that: cut my expectations in half and take incredibly small baby steps for about a month.

I'm sure by the time 31 days pass I would've gotten into a rhythm to slowly notch the intensity up. Yes. It will take a while until I can grow the focus muscle to have a powerful routine that's embedded into my daily rhythm. Yes. It's going to take time before my practice routines have a) come back to where they were b.) surpass where I was before.

Namely, it's been so long I'll need to relearn a few things and brush back up on some stuff. Getting into the rythmn and treating my creativity with seriousness is going to be a journey like it always was--and I won't get to where I am instantly.

That's always been a part of my internal struggle.

I want to lose weight NOW

I want to fully develop my singing NOW

I want to write #1 hit songs NOW

I want to be a famous NOW

I want my poetry to be read NOW

Yeah. I'm from the instant-gratification age. And it hurts the most when I see my peers surpass me and get things I'd like before me, even though I know I'm talented and have got the chops to prove myself. They've just been working, and I haven't. Depression, drama, time..I don't know.

But I'm putting it out into the universe that I have that problem. Procrastination, shyness, lack of self-esteem. Whatever your dark sides are--I know I saw mines this week. 

I've had these feelings for a long while but they truly culminated with all this stuff I've been through. Truly these days I've felt like I've seen my darkest self, and in turn potentially the darkness inside of everyone else. The part of us that eats away at us all.

But today was my rest day. As an artist there's an important distinction between work and hobby. And often times I used art as a hobby and not a job. You know, waiting for when the moment hits and not setting up a ryhtmn to have a time for the moment to hit. Basically, a routine. And that's truly why I'm even in college--to expand my art and learn as much as I can. It speaks to how much I value my craft--my degree in creative writing isn't a conventional degree and I've made my mind up to be fully in it. It's my life purpose, and I do have value and talent to offer the world.

It's weird how much we beat ourselves up, no matter how many people compliment us. How much we take it for granted and never expand on it because we become so closed off. 

So many people enjoy my writing, my voice and ideas. 

 I have great mentors and friends with fantastic talents. It's been months since I felt this way because I've struggled with my own persona for so long, but this week makes me want to re-open my soul to people. Not only that, but to treat my art like a profitable craft and no longer a hobby. I'm fully into it now. 

Fuck getting it instantly. I'm here to grow as slowly as its required to achieve that bright light at the end. And I'll try my best to enjoy it as well.


As a singer. As a songwriter. As a poet. As a producer. As a performer. As en entertainer. 

So yeah, I may have exploded this week. I may have 'failed' my 2017 goals. And I may have failed this week. And I may be lagging my goals behind for this semester. But none of that matters. This is a new start. I feel peaceful now. And I won't rush into anything. I've got my whole life to do this so, I'll take this slowly and peacefully.

A peaceful explosion. That's what I'll call this. 


I'm on the road to accept myself.




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This week was better.

Not a smooth ride but better.

Emotionally I feel much better.

In terms of being productive--oh HELL yeah it's gone way up.

George's words really struck a chord and taking things bit by bit really helped out.

My angle was much more in line with listening to what my focus could handle in the day.

And in turn actually getting things done makes me want to get more things done.

If I fell off track or didn't get something done--no sweats. But factoring breaks and work within reason has seriously helped.

I feel more rested and relaxed. By no means am I where I'd like to be but this week has definitely been a start.


Charisma Journal

My headphones broke..so..now I'm not listening to the tracks for now.

I've actually been off of them for a while if only to make some other things priority. Either that or I didn't have time.

Haven't been reading the books recently either--I've been busy.

But I'll definitely be getting back into it this weekend.

Charisma aside I noticed something about people today. Even though you may not be talking to them, everyone you pass is an opportunity to have some for of energetic communication with--which opens the chance up for charisma to pour through. Interesting. It's your eyes, stance, scent--anything. Even if it's just strong intent.

I looked at someone in the eyes  while they were walking by me and I swear I could feel some sort of message through their gaze. Like their conscious acknowledgement. Can't quite describe it but for some reason I've been more open to become aware of the energetic conversations we have with the nature around us. And the more present we become (and conscious), the more this becomes clearer.

I must admit..the Charisma Generator tracks seem like some sort of steroid drug to my charisma. Once I've stopped for a while, I noticed I don't feel quite as charismatic.

Strange. I wonder why that is. Probably because the habits in the tracks haven't settled in yet, and my conscious focus towards being charismatic has been on the back burner recently.

Certainly something to keep in mind--especially with habit forming. You've got to be consistent and keep the ball rolling. Note taken. Ill get it rolling again soon.


Recently a girl told me "your voice is the kind that I can masturbate to." She was being totally serious too. 

We were on the phone talking for about 2 hours and for the first thirty minutes it was almost ALL about how much she wanted it.

Mind you I dont think I used any conscious hypnosis techniques...or anything. It just happened.


Oh my..Lucid. Such a playboy. 

A part of me wants to be confused because I personally dislike the sound of my own voice, but people tend to love it to much.

I can't really say dislike in the present--since I've come so far along with my self-acceptance journey that those words don't accurately apply to me. 

But yeah. That did actually happen.


So, in terms of being productive..

After switching my thoughts about work and training..I also had a fire of passion again.

Did I get to do much training this week? No not really. I was floored trying to finish my paper work for getting into university.  (I did get accepted though, so yay!)

Besides that I take extra classes. But that's neither here nor there. The big PLUS to me was that I was always thinking ABOUT training and when I was, I was excited and giddy for any opportunity to get to it. 

Sometimes I rested instead.

Sometimes I procrastinated too.

Sometimes I worked on my craft.

Other times I worked on my paper work or assignments.

But this is most definitely movement forward, and I feel great about that.


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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello Everyone.

I'm doing well, thanks for wondering.

This week has been a productive one. 

But I am doing well. A lot better to be honest.

With my last post I felt better, and now I have spent some time to redefine my purpose, dream and goals.

Now I feel more empowered, and good. Better. So much better.


Questions about Biokinesis.

There's a (sorry, but I won't even play) hilarious success story thread about getting a 10 inch penis. And that got me wondering if you could influence your subconscious so much that it actually causes physical changes? Is this called biokinesis? It's easy to say your affirmations and be happy with what you've got, tricking yourself that you've got a jackhammer of love between your legs. But will it actually change? Or will YOU change?

Let's switch it from penis, and to arms. IF I cut someone's arm off, could they grow it back with a similar method? If not, why not? The same theoretical question applies to everything I see here in terms of switching your appearance: hair type, eye color, height, penis size, teeth etc etc. 

I've had braces. I'm loyal and religious with wearing my retainers (for the most part), which is why my smile is perfectly intact and in good shape. My orthodontist loves me, because I take my teeth pretty seriously in the hygiene department. Honestly having braces has changed the structure and look of my face, lips and smile--not just the teeth themselves. They were also shaved down and polished to look more physically appealing.  Trust me, those parts of the process were NOT fun. I mean they kind of were. It was uncomfortable though. I mean, it's been a few thousand dollars, lots of trips, two different doctors and two tooth removals. Are you saying I could have gotten straight teeth if I requested George to make me a "I have straight teeth" subliminal? 

In the same vein, can someone with a sized penis, or whatever it is, pick your feature you dont like: it doesn't matter. Can they just listen the change into existence? You can imagine that I never saw the need for a 'straight teeth' subliminal because I shelled dollars out to get a result. That's direct action that cannot be questioned. So what about biokinesis?

Anyways. I've heard a great piece of advice this week.

Get rid of the dream that you'll have uninterrupted creative time. You can write a little every day. Even if it's just a sentence of a few. Novels are written a paragraph at a time.

And it's true, because many writers are like that.

I apply this concept to everything I do now.

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