Any Advice?

[Light]

I am feeling stuck. 

 

I don't know how I ended up here. 

 

I am really not interested in the whole dating process, and I don't know what's wrong with me. 

 

I have approached girls, but there's no motivation to keep doing it. That being said, I feel empty inside so I feel like I should keep doing this. 

 

The issue is, I suppose, I feel no connection to women on a deep enough level to date them. I don't really want to be around for just sex, I want like real genuine connections - and right now it feels like I am around for just that - physical experiences and nothing beyond that. The alternative I am left with is regularly going to bars, and hoping that I eventually run into someone - but again, I am not the kind to enjoy the loud music in a bar... I would be there to approach and sex... and just that.  

 

Quite frankly, the only real connection I found was with a woman almost twice my age, and it'd be uncomfortable for both of us to date. I don't know what's wrong with my thought train? Maybe I don't know how to have fun the way women do? Maybe I am unbalanced? 

 

Where and How do I find a real connection? Any feedback or advice would be nice. Both genders are welcome. 

[Athena]

I guess my advice is so don't? 

Take a break from it for a bit and maybe it will be like a reboot.

 

I'm going through a bit of a drought at the moment though I had three dates since April.  

 

Honestly, I also think - I think you're awesome but I think part of the problem is you see women as SOOOO different from you (and I'm guilty of the same with men.

 

Cheesy, but have you tried going to meetup.com groups based on your interests?

 

To hell with the bars, it sounds like it's not your scene any more than it is mine.  I love karaoke but I'm not a big bar, clubs, drinking person.

 

I haven't had a boyfriend for a while and that SUCKS but 

the last time I did I meet him through a karaoke meetup group.  Yeah, ok so a bar but we were doing things that were our interests, things that we loved.  And even though it didn't work out, we had tons in common!

 

My point is, I wonder whether meetup groups (or similar) might be a fun thing to do for its own sake and you might find women even just as friends or maybe more who share common interests with you.

 

George, can you make a sub to help me and Light & whoever else start liking people their own age again?

I have a similar problem to you and that older woman, I currently only like younger guys and it's a pain cos I would love money for every time someone has said or implied that cougars can't find love.  I feel like I am doomed.  DOOMED I tell ya!  I want to have a younger guy boyfriend but I'm honestly at the point where I think it's probably impossible. Anyway, back to Light!

 

I also think it's ok to take a dating hiatus. 

I kinda regret mine.  I took a year off men from last April till this April but in some ways I needed it to heal.

I THINK the most healthy way to take a break is like well if I meet someone great but I'm not currently looking - or even not currently looking as hard as I was?

 

I know what it's like to feel empty inside and other crappy stuff.  But in a way it's better NOT to date when you feel like that (though no judgement from me either way and I can relate.)

 

So, I guess I'm gonna sound REALLY cheesy here,

take some time out, "Light" time

to be and do things that don't relate to sex and dating.

 

and work on other areas of your life (which i know you do anyway)

but I feel like, check out interest groups of some kind whether meetup (if you even have it in your city?) or others or both.

 

Be glad you're not like me, I want a boyfriend SO EFFING MUCH I think I am vibrating waves of desperation and scaring them away!

Whereas when I was like more easy-going about it I got 3 proposals without about a month sigh.

(not that I even want to get married.)

 

So, yeah. 

Don't force yourself and also

I think girls would rather date/have sex with/whatever a guy who IS into them than a guy who is going through the motions anyway.

 

It's ironic me giving anyone advice on their love life right now but..anyway, that's my advice. 

You don't HAVE to date. You don't HAVE to have sex.

You don't HAVE to have a relationship.

and you certainly don't HAVE to do any of those things all the time.

 

You could also look into the subliminals here and see what ones might help you find people with that connection and that spark you seek.

[admin]

I am feeling stuck. 

 

I don't know how I ended up here. 

 

I am really not interested in the whole dating process, and I don't know what's wrong with me. 

 

I have approached girls, but there's no motivation to keep doing it. That being said, I feel empty inside so I feel like I should keep doing this. 

 

The issue is, I suppose, I feel no connection to women on a deep enough level to date them. I don't really want to be around for just sex, I want like real genuine connections - and right now it feels like I am around for just that - physical experiences and nothing beyond that. The alternative I am left with is regularly going to bars, and hoping that I eventually run into someone - but again, I am not the kind to enjoy the loud music in a bar... I would be there to approach and sex... and just that.  

 

Quite frankly, the only real connection I found was with a woman almost twice my age, and it'd be uncomfortable for both of us to date. I don't know what's wrong with my thought train? Maybe I don't know how to have fun the way women do? Maybe I am unbalanced? 

 

Where and How do I find a real connection? Any feedback or advice would be nice. Both genders are welcome. 

 

The more you work on self development, the more "awake" or "enlightened" you become, the harder it will be to find a "connection."

 

Think of how most people go through life, on autopilot. Rarely questioning anything, even their own behaviors or motivations. For them, finding a "connection" with a similarly asleep person is easy.

 

Just keep looking, fine tune your "game" learn to qualify a lot quicker. See the entire process as a skill building exercise.

 

The flip side of personal development is you've effectively and significantly reduced the number of potential mates.

 

They're still out there, you just need to do more sorting than most.

 

Consider NOT sleeping with a woman unless she proves "worthy" and you feel a minimum amount of emotional connection.

 

That way you'll be filtering your "emotional connection radar" THROUGH your sex energy.

[Light]

Thanks to both for your advice. I will mull on this.