Jump to content
Mind Persuasion Forum

Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'social anxiety'.



More search options

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


Forums

  • Mind Persuasion
    • Mind Persuasion Videos
    • Mind Persuasion Products
    • Mind Persuasion News
    • Mind Persuasion Affiliates
  • NLP and Hypnosis
    • NLP
    • Hypnosis
  • Self Development
    • Books
    • Techniques
  • Wealth
    • Entrepreneurial
    • Investing
    • Online Marketing
  • Relationships
    • Attraction
    • Maintenance
    • Breakups
  • Beyond Science
    • Tools
    • Techniques
  • Anything Else
    • Anything Goes

Blogs

  • Member Videos
  • Bhardwaj1994's Blog
  • GaiaWise's Blog
  • Skye's the Limit
  • CONTEMPLATIONS OF EXISTENCE
  • The Adventures of Light
  • The Sacred Warrior Blog
  • My way to start the last change!
  • firekid1331's Blog
  • Peyton Dracco's Blog
  • Subliminal Shinobi's Blog

Categories

There are no results to display.


Find results in...

Find results that contain...


Date Created

  • Start

    End


Last Updated

  • Start

    End


Filter by number of...

Joined

  • Start

    End


Group


AIM


MSN


Website URL


ICQ


Yahoo


Jabber


Skype


Location


Interests

Found 22 results

  1. Anti Anxiety Nightmare: https://mindpersuasion.com/anti-anxiety-nightmare/ https://loopvids.s3.amazonaws.com/Nov05Loop.mp4
  2. https://loopvids.s3.amazonaws.com/Sept03Post.mp4 One of our biggest thinking problems is mistaking correlation and causation. You'll see this everywhere. What's particularly amusing is if you trace a purely scientific research study. First it's written purely by academics for academics. Generally published in some kind of academic journal. Which means it needs to be approved an editor of an academic journal. But academic types need to earn a living just like everybody else. And many of these live off grants. And grants come from politicians. Which are the LEAST scientific people in society. So the next phase, after the academic paper is published, is to have it RE-WRITTEN by a science writer. For a more mainstream, yet still kind of scientific publication. Science writers are writers FIRST who have a working knowledge about science. So they need to dumb it down a little bit. And use some metaphors that aren't quite accurate. The next phase is when it's picked up by mainstream media. Which means it's SIGNIFICANTLY dumbed down for the masses. And given some kind of "hook." This is the stuff people read and talk about to make themselves sound intelligent. "Hey, have you heard the latest research?" "No, what is it?" "They found a link between bananas and erectile dysfunction!" "Wow, that's fascinating!" "Of course, correlation doesn't mean causation..." The problem with our ancient, instinctive cause-effect generator is not only was it calibrated for MUCH simpler times, it wasn't even supposed to be accurate. It was more of a "better safe than sorry" mechanism. If you THOUGHT that MAYBE there was a tiger hiding behind a bush, you MIGHT run away. But if your dumb caveman brain said, "Rustling bushes MEANS tiger" you'd run away much, much quickly. Our cause-effect generator was a FIGHT OR FLIGHT safety mechanism. It wasn't meant to find correlations between bananas and boners. But since it's an INSTINCT it's very hard to deal with. Especially when something BAD happens. Are brains are absolutely NOT wired to accept randomness. We HAVE to find reasons. Even super silly ones. Like not being able to get a boner because you ate too many bananas. But when something BAD happens, and there is no OBVIOUS cause, we have to FIND one. And the most common CAUSE of bad things is US. Somebody bad happens, and we ASSUME that we did something wrong. Even if was a random accident. When humans get dumped, (because we eat too many bananas) we always wonder: What did I do wrong? What's even WORSE is that because this is an instinct, all the BAD THINGS that happened when you were younger, you ASSUMED they were your fault. They. Were. Not. De-program yourself, and start enjoying life. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/social-anxiety-killer/
  3. https://loopvids.s3.amazonaws.com/Aug26Post.mp4 One of the most powerful words is "because." A study demonstrated this. A woman was waiting in line at a copy machine. She asked if she could cut in line, and most people said no. Then she asked if she could cut in line BECAUSE her car was parked in a towing zone. Most people said yes. Then the researchers had her ask again, only this time, the reason made no sense. She asked if she could cut in line BECAUSE she had copies to make. And most people said yes. Researchers have also done plenty of studies on young children. As young as six months. They suspect we have a kind of "cause-effect generator" in our brains. Evolutionary psychologists believe this helped us to think much more quickly. As you likely know, our brains a very fast, but not very accurate. Turns out this wasn't such a big deal back in the old days. When we had to chase food, and predators were chasing us. But in modern times, it's much, much more complicated. We make a lot of causal connections when we are very young. Much too young to understand what's going on. Unfortunately, unless those early causal connections are "undone" by later life, they will shape how we see the world. A common example is a little kid touches a hot stove. And develops a phobia of the stove. But under normal situations, that kid will grow up around that stove. And associate that stove with food, eating, meals, meal preparation. All GOOD associations. Those good associations will naturally and organically overwrite the bad associations. For people who feel socially confident and outgoing, a similar process happened. Most kids learn a few times that expressing any desire is dangerous. Kids run around, happy and playful, and the adults yell at them. The learned association is, "expressing desire = bad." For lucky kids, they later detach that with opposite experiences. "Expressing desire = good" But for others, that doesn't happen. This is the source of social anxiety. It doesn't mean they're broken, or deficient. It only means some old programs are still operating. Luckily, it's pretty easy to overwrite them. And once they are overwritten, you can be your natural, outgoing and expressive self. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/social-anxiety-killer/
  4. https://loopvids.s3.amazonaws.com/Aug24Post.mp4 Externalizing is a very common human trait. It's when WE have a problem. But we don't want to admit it. So we imagine the problems is OUT THERE. It works metaphorically like a semi-permeable membrane. The kind around our cells that only lets good stuff in. And keeps out the bad stuff. Every aspect of our mind-body system was put there for a reason. Unfortunately, a lot of it is outdated. Like government computer systems. The problem is when use our natural defense systems too much. Externalizing is a powerful and necessary way to protect our ego. Way back in the day, when life was very dangerous and difficult, having a weak ego was DEADLY. It was always go-time. But today, life is MUCH more complicated. Back in the day, it was us, our buddies and our environment. Back in the day, our environment was the natural world. Trees, rocks, unexpected thunderstorms, animals, both predator and prey. Simple. Kill or be killed. Today, it's not so simple. In fact, it's WAY complicated. In the old days you either KILLED something in the environment, literally. Or that thing KILLED you. Literally. Today our environment is OTHER PEOPLE. Nobody is going to kill us. And we aren't going to kill anybody. Unfortunately, many of our programs haven't quite caught up. So our instincts need re-calibrating. So does our natural learner. Our natural learn KNOWS that takes plenty of practice to get something down. Music, sports, etc. But our natural learner doesn't quite see this with social situations. Our natural learner sees social situations as a kill or be killed type of thing. Which is why EVERYBODY is intimidated in social situations. Some a little. Some a lot. But unless you can turn down the natural anxiety to workable levels, you'll stay on the sidelines. And keep telling yourself the problem is OUT THERE. So long as you believe the problem is OUT THERE, you'll never feel comfortable. But once you accept that at least part of the problem is INSIDE, then you can fix it. Re-calibrate it. Get in the game and start learning some skills. But, won't that be terrifying? Nope. Re-calibrating your social instincts is actually pretty BORING. Like studying history, when you'd rather be playing video games. But if you do a few minutes a day, you'll eventually reach a tipping point. When getting in the game is FUN. Like it should be. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/social-anxiety-killer/
  5. https://loopvids.s3.amazonaws.com/Aug23Post.mp4 There are some very enlightening surprises you'll find once you start to get over any social anxiety. The first realization is that ALL people have a certain amount of social anxiety. Everybody is different around new people, compared to close friends. Everybody is a little bit more withdrawn around new people. It's common to put people into binary categories. Introverted, extroverted. Shy, outgoing. But in reality, these are very flexible sliding scales. Nearly ALL people are MORE withdrawn and MORE nervous around people they don't know. The more they value the unknown person, the more withdrawn they are. It's EXTREMELY rare to be SO self confident, SO relaxed and comfortable with who you are to NEVER worry about anybody's opinion. In fact, people who CLAIM they don't worry about other people's opinions are being very self deceptive. That would be like claiming you NEVER get hungry or sleepy or horny. Humans are EXTREMELY social animals. It is a very important and very powerful INSTINCT to be concerned about others. If somebody really didn't care about what other people thought, they wouldn't spend ANY money on fashion or clothing. They would go to parties wearing the SAME stuff they wore around the house. Old sweats, slippers, tattered T-shirts, etc. But they don't. The first step is to stop thinking in terms of HAVING something called "social anxiety." As if only YOU have it, and nobody else has it. It's not like a cold, that you can catch and then get rid of. It's part of every normal human's makeup. It's a matter of decreasing it to MANAGEABLE levels. If you can't do things you WANT to do, then it's NOT at a manageable level. If you do things you want to, but you're a little bit more careful, that IS at a manageable level. Once you start thinking of it like a muscle, that can be weak or strong, you're halfway there. This will also help you get rid of any "magical thinking." Anything that sounds like you get any benefit with "one weird trick" is magical thinking. But if you think of it like muscle, you can exercise it like a muscle. There is NO rush. Because you have your entire life ahead of you. How do you exercise social confidence? Slowly. Carefully. Consistently. Inside your own brain, your own home, and your own comfort zone. Five minutes a day is all you need. Do a little bit every day, and pretty soon social anxiety will not keep you from doing what you want. Learn More: http://mindpersuasion.com/social-anxiety-killer/
  6. https://loopvids.s3.amazonaws.com/Aug22Post.mp4 A long, long time ago, human brains started to get really big. Eventually, a decision had to be made. Because our brains were getting so big, there was a problem with birth. There were essentially two choices. The first choice was that our hips could keep getting wider and wider, so our brains to keep getting bigger and bigger. That wasn't such a good option, because that would force us back to walking on four legs. So the next option was to have us born WAY before we were finished. This is why humans are helpless for the first couple of years. Compare this too all other mammals, who are mobile. Soon after they are born, every other mammal can get up and walk around. We humans, on the other hand, just lay there and stare off into space. For two whole years! Even after we can get up and walk around, our brains are still being built. In one study, they showed a bunch of kids a puppet show. A kid in the puppet show had some chocolate, and put it in a GREEN cupboard. Then later his mom took some of the chocolate out. She made a cake, and then she put it back into the BLUE cupboard. Then the original kid came back. And said he wanted some chocolate. The question to the kids WATCHING the puppet show was WHERE would he look? Not where the chocolate was, but where he THOUGHT it was. The older kids figured it out. But the kids four and younger couldn't. These means even four year old kids, who can walk around and use language pretty well, STILL don't understand about human intentions. They can't extrapolate what happened before and use that to guess what people are thinking. This is why plenty of our limiting beliefs are so, uh, LIMITING. They were programmed in BEFORE our brains were finished. Before we understood how OUR intentions are different from OTHER people's intentions. Before we could understand how to GUESS other people's intentions. For some lucky folks, with positive and supportive role models, they don't much of a problem. But for everybody else, we still are stuck with a lot of these limiting beliefs. Perhaps the most DANGEROUS and INSIDIOUS limiting beliefs is the one that creates social anxiety. The one that makes us feel anxious and nervous every time we even THINK about expressing ourselves. The more intelligent you are, the WORSE this feels. Since this was programmed on an emotional, NON-intelligent level. Luckily, there is a solution. A slow, safe gradual we to REMOVE social anxiety. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/social-anxiety-killer/
  7. https://loopvids.s3.amazonaws.com/Aug21Post.mp4 All humans have "problems" with any ideas of causality. This commonly comes out when somebody says: "Correlation does not mean causation." A common example is that in summer, people buy more ice cream. And in summer more people go swimming. Since more people are going swimming, there are more shark attacks. So you COULD see a correlation between ice cream and shark attacks. By assuming CAUASATION, when there is really correlation, you would say that eating ice cream CAUSES shark attacks. This idea is also where a lot of superstitions pop up. For example, let's say you happen to be wearing your pair of purple underwear. And you happen to see an attractive person who smiles at you. It's easy to make a connection between the purple underwear and the smile. From then on, you'll believe your purple underwear is now your LUCKY underwear. This seems kind of silly. But academic researchers who NEED grant money know that finding ANY kind of CORRELATION is pure gold. They don't actually say X causes Y. But they don't need to. They just need to say X is LINKED to Y and they KNOW most people, including media goofs, will ASSUME that "linked" is a "cause-effect" word. If you want to persuade people, cause-effect is a very powerful way. Why are we so likely to assume cause-effect where none exists? Scientists believe it was a benefit. Our brains are fast but inaccurate. Maybe there was an ancient race of people who stood around trying to logically prove everything. But they all got eaten by tigers. The ones who survived were the ones who RAN AWAY first, and figured out why later. They've even done experiments on six month old babies. And they find these babies ASSUME plenty of cause-effect links where none really exist. This is interesting, but it's also VERY DANGEROUS. Turns out this cause-effect "instinct" is the main CAUSE of social anxiety. How so? From the ages of zero to two, most adults were encouraging us to stand up and talk. But then from the ages of two on, they did the opposite. They told us to sit down and shut up. This created a very DANGEROUS cause-effect "brain equation." One like this: Expressing Desire = Danger Unfortunately, this happened BEFORE we learned much about language and reality. Our brains aren't really finished cooking until we're AT LEAST seven. This means between the ages of TWO and SEVEN we are getting some VERY NEGATIVE messages. Messages that say expressing ourselves is dangerous. That calling attention to ourselves is dangerous. Luckily, we can DETACH that brain equation. And GET RID of social anxiety. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/social-anxiety-killer/
  8. https://loopvids.s3.amazonaws.com/July22Post.mp4 Humans are very attached to the idea of free will. A common metaphor that describes the relationship between the conscious mind and the unconscious mind is of a captain and a ship. The unconscious mind is the powerful ship. The conscious mind is the captain who steers the ship. The problem with many beliefs is they are very much like food. We don't eat food because it is healthy. We eat food because it tastes good. To the extent you DO eat food because it's healthy, it's not automatic. And it's not easy. Beliefs are the same. We don't believe things because they are true. We believe things that make us feel good. Truth can be a very dangerous thing. Ignorance, on the other hand, is bliss. Take the captain and the ship metaphor. We love the idea that "we" up in our brain has free will. That "we" can steer our ship wherever we want. But think of the things we'd do if that were true. Using our free will to CHOOSE to study would be easy. So easy we'd spend all our time studying and learning and getting smarter and smarter. We'd our free will to exercise instead of sleep in. Which means we'd all have super fit bodies. We'd use our free will to DECIDE to walk across the room and talk to interesting people. So we'd be healthy, smart, and have plenty of healthy, happy relationships with smart, healthy people. But we don't. So the idea of free will CAN'T be true. But even in the face of EVIDENCE it's hard to accept that. So we deceive ourselves. We tell ourselves we don't WANT all those things. But if there was a magic pill, that had zero side effects, was permanent, and gave us ALL those things (intelligence, health, massive confidence) and it only cost a dollar, EVERYBODY would take it. So we DO want those things, it's just that we aren't willing to pay the costs. It's much easier to follow our INSTINCTS. Instincts that make us want to play it safe, sleep late, and only eat food that tastes good and believe things that make us feel good. This, actually, is FANTASTIC news. Because when you want to PERSUADE somebody, all you need to do is leverage these INSTINCTS. Most people try and leverage the CONSCIOUS reasons we tell ourselves WHY we do the things we do. But as an advanced persuader, you know better. Once you learn about the basic human instincts that drive ALL human behaviors, persuading people is EASY. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/instinct-persuasion/
  9. https://loopvids.s3.amazonaws.com/July7Post.mp4 Way back when I was in high school, my buddies and I love to watch Mad Max. My buddies were all car freaks, more so than I was. They loved the idea of having a big V8 with a secret nitrous oxide injection to give it an extra boost. Their favorite part was when Max was chasing the bad guys, then he'd calmly flip on the switch to give his car a boost. Then he'd suddenly accelerate, overtake the bad guys and cause them all to crash. One of the Star Trek movies was a crossover. Where they had the original cast in with the Next Generation cast. One engineer from the original cast was talking to an engineer from the Next Generation cast. He was asking him how fast the engines would go. The guy told him, and then he asked again. "Yeah, but how fast do they REALLY go?" The Next Generation engineer didn't understand the question. The original engineer shook his head, and said: "Never tell the captain how fast the engines will REALLY go." The idea of having a hidden resource of energy is very compelling. A secret ace up your sleeve. There's even a theory from physiology that we all have secret hidden reservoirs of energy in case of emergencies. To lift up cars, or make it an extra mile when we're about to die. But because we are usually VERY safe and not anywhere NEAR life threatening danger, we'll never really know. This is ONE reason why people love extreme sports. It gets them out on the edge of safety. When they get mad adrenalin rushes. The opposite is also common. Unfortunately, very common. Of thinking you don't have ANY skills or energy beyond what you are doing RIGHT NOW. If you believe you really DO have some secret power source, or an ace up your sleeve, it will give you a TON of confidence. So much you'll never have to need that secret stash. But if you are secretly terrified you have NOTHING, that will have the opposite effect. Knowing you have a secret stash will naturally EXPAND your comfort zone outward. Being terrified you have nothing will make it shrink. Luckily, the size of your comfort zone is completely up to you. It's based on plenty of assumptions you make about yourself, and about the world. Most of those assumptions are wrong. Which means if you can RE-CALIBRATE your assumptions, your comfort will expand significantly. Making everything you want OUT THERE much easier. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/self-esteem/
  10. https://loopvids.s3.amazonaws.com/Jun28Post.mp4 A very common movie scene is the halftime locker room speech. Where the hero's team is behind at halftime. The coach gives them a rousing speech that fires them up. They come out, destroy the other team, and everybody lives happily ever after. It's also common for guys who are going out to pick up girls to a have some kind of "pre-game" warm up. Some times this involves hitting a bar before to knock back a few and practice some conversations. So when they get to the place where the girls are, they built up their courage. It's also very common for movie heroes to give themselves mirror pep talks before critical events. All these situations presuppose that the extra boost of energy is helpful. Kind of like in the original Mad Max, when he fired up the nitrous oxide to give his "Interceptor" and extra boost of power to overtake the bad guys. But what would happen if you didn't need that extra boost? What would happen if you ALWAYS had the energy you needed? We like underdog movies, and stories about underdog hero's because WE feel like WE are underdogs. We wish somebody would give US a pep talk. We wish WE could pull off a stunning, come from behind victory. In a sense, that is the main PURPOSE of those movies. To BE that "pep talk" for us. To give us a little bit of extra inspiration to hang onto when WE go into whatever situations WE feel we would like that extra bit of juice. These types of stories have been told since the dawn of time. Even way back in the caveman days, sometimes those dudes needed some extra motivation. It wasn't always easy for them. It isn't always easy for us. We can imagine two levels of energy. Our constant, base level energy. And the temporary higher level that we CAN achieve when we REALLY need to. When it's down to you and somebody else for the job. When it's time to ask the girl for her number. When it's time to lay down the law to an office bully. All humans have a two sided story instinct. To listen and remember those motivational parts. The parts we need to get us over the humps. AND to be the story teller to inspire others. Most of the time, we need to be inspired. But sometimes we NEED to step up and inspire others. You can build skills for both. The more you practice, the stronger you'll be. On both sides of that ancient and necessary instinct. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/public-speaking-confidence/
  11. https://loopvids.s3.amazonaws.com/Jun27Post.mp4 There's a pretty common scene in movies. One guy has got to do something painful to another guy. Like set a broken arm, or put a dislocated shoulder back. The common way is for the guy or gal doing the painful thing to count. "OK, on three..." And then they invariably do the thing halfway between 2 and 3. The idea being to get the guy off guard, so it happens more quickly and less painfully. But this is so common in the movies, the some shows are starting to have the guy getting the bone fixed to KNOW that they're going to do it halfway between 2 and 3. Now, from a pure writing standpoint, they do this so the viewer won't think, "Oh I've seen this before." To have the other guy (the guy getting his bone fixed) know the same thing the viewer is expecting, that the dude's gonna pop his bone back on 2 1/2 instead of on 3. It's kind of cool from a meta, viewers standpoint. But it also presupposes that the guy getting his arm fixed has ALSO watched a bunch of those same shows. Otherwise, how would he know it was coming a 2 and 1/2? All centered around the idea that getting a bone fixed SUCKS. Or getting your shoulder popped back in. I can attest that getting a bone set really DOES suck. Even when they inject you with a bunch of stuff that's supposed to make it NOT suck. It STILL sucks. Which is why even in real life they do it quickly. This is how most of us think about personal development. We imagine whatever it takes to get to where we are is going to SUCK. So we want to get it over as quickly as possible. This is why we LOVE the idea of hypnosis. The idea that somebody can put you to SLEEP and do the work FOR YOU is massively compelling. But as an effective strategy, it's right up there with losing weight while you sleep. Sure, if you have to give ONE speech, it's not a bad idea to just suck it up and get it over with. But the idea of learning skills is completely different. Unfortunately, the ENTIRE self help industry is built around FALSE ideas of "quick fixes." That you need to pay a bunch of money and go to a seminar where you have a BREAKTHROUGH experience. But the truth is actually much, much simpler. AND easier. AND, believe it or not, cheaper. Changing your body through exercise diet takes time. And if you ever STOP, it's easy to backslide. But when anything related to social skills, once you get past a certain point it is self sustaining. This is why going as slow as possible is much better. No seminars, no gurus, no goofy metaphysics. Only a pen some paper, your brain and a few minutes per day. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/public-speaking-confidence/
  12. http://mindpersuasion.com/instinct-persuasion/ https://loopvids.s3.amazonaws.com/Jun26Post.mp4 Human instincts are extremely powerful for a reason. So powerful that they are impossible to ignore. This was so we didn't have to "think" about what to do every day. The trouble is this is hard to "see" in a real way today. Most people will never have a situation where they are hungry for more than a day, and NOT know where they are going to find food. This is why they say that EVERY SOCIETY is always three meals away from a revolution. If EVERYBODY realizes that there is no more food, it won't be long before everybody goes CRAZY. When otherwise normal people are in situations where they think they might actually DIE, they do crazy things to stay alive. Eating bugs, for example is very common. Most normal people, in normal situations would ONLY eat bugs if there was a lot of money on the line. Like on a TV reality game show, for example. But how much would you need to be paid to cut off your own arm? Or eat a dead guy? No amount of money would make anybody do these things. Yet these are things people HAVE done when the believe they will DIE if they don't. This is how strong our instincts are. They are there to keep us safe, and drive us to do INCREDIBLE things when we believe we are in danger. That's ONE of the problems of modern society. We are never in any kind of REAL danger. Which is good, really good. But it's also safe, really safe. This is one reason why soldiers coming back from combat have issues. The way humans are designed is to operate MOST OF THE TIME in life or death situations. After experiencing that, soldiers can have a hard time getting back to normal life. In fact, the ONLY REASON we invented modern society was to stay safe. To stay as far away from those dangerous situations as possible. For most people, are BIGGEST fears are NOT REAL. For our ancestors, our biggest fears were LITERALLY deadly. Today, most of our fears are social based. Things that will ONLY cause emotional pain. Thing is this emotional pain is RELATED to real, physical pain. Being socially ostracized, way back in the day, was a step closer to death. Getting mauled by a saber-toothed tiger WAS death. So in a way, social fears ARE as REAL as things that CAN kill you. Luckily, there's way to kind of con your way around the fear. To slowly build up an emotional resistance. So social fears are no longer real. And so that they no longer bother you. This means you CAN become socially fearless. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/public-speaking-confidence/
  13. https://loopvids.s3.amazonaws.com/Jun20Post.mp4 I've a had a pretty interesting experience a few times. And that is to spend quite a lot of time traveling. 20-30 hours. And when you're traveling, you're thinking about how tired you are. How crappy the seats are. How annoying all the people are. And how happy you'll be when you can collapse onto your hotel bed. But then you show up in the city. A city you've never been to before. And suddenly you've got tons of energy. So you go out exploring. Maybe only to get a bite to eat, something to drink. Next thing you know, it's way later than you'd thought. Certain situations tend to do that to us humans. They wake up some hidden source of energy. Sometimes it's easy to see where this is coming from. Other times it's hard to pinpoint the source. All the pieces just kind of fit together, and part of you decides it's game time. Your body is flooded with energy and excitement. It's a very "outward" energy. A very "outgoing" energy. When you are driven to get involved as much as you can with your environment. Other times, it's the absolute opposite. This is more common. The familiar, "fight or flight" response. This is when your mind-body system recognizes extreme danger. The first kind of energy requires a HUGE feeling safety. But not only safety. But safety combined with new things, combined with a HUGE potential for new and exciting experiences. The second one is the exact opposite. The funny thing is if you randomly pick a whole bunch of people, they won't all have the same responses to the same experiences. Some will have a fight or flight response in the SAME situation as the "Wow! Let's party!" response that others have. What's the difference? It CAN'T be based on the environment. Otherwise everybody would respond in the same way to the same environment. It's got to do with how we INTERPRET our environment. Two people can be in the same situation at the same time. One person wants to flee. The other person is having the "lets party" response. The good news is that you can slowly RE-CALIBRATE where and when you WANT to have the "lets party" response. It's not quite as easy as flipping a switch. It's kind of like opening up a machine, and carefully rewiring it. It takes a little bit of time and patience. Mostly patience, since the process is pretty boring. But when you're finished rewiring your brain, you'll have MUCH MORE CONTROL of your seemingly AUTOMATIC responses to those situations. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/public-speaking-confidence/
  14. https://loopvids.s3.amazonaws.com/Jun19Post.mp4 In one of the Rocky movies, they had him chasing a chicken. Rocky thought it was stupid. His trainer knew better. Turned out to be a pretty good training technique. Chickens are pretty quick, and are hard to catch. The longer you chase them, the more flexibility and endurance you'll develop. Of course, this was another of the "strange training" themes in plenty of the Rocky movies. Hitting sides of beef, running up sides of mountains, etc. These all play along with the "poor athlete who can't afford expensive equipment" idea. Some people take big coffee cans, fill them with cement and make weights of out them. That's the thing about us humans. We can be pretty flexible when we need to. We even build exercise machines that simulate simpler pieces of equipment. You can run on a treadmill, or run outside on the street. You can use a stairclimber, or go find some actual stairs to run up and down. You can do exercises that SEEM to be geared toward a specific thing, but never intend to do that thing. People that use stairclimbers, for example, aren't likely getting ready for a mountain climbing contest. They do it for the effect on their bodies. Similarly, plenty of these ideas exist for social skills and conditioning. One of the BEST ways to rapidly increase social skills would be to take up public speaking. Since public speaking is terrifying, once you get over THAT fear, all the other fears will be small by comparison. But just like chasing chickens and running on treadmills, you don't actually have to EVER get up and give a speech to get "public speaking confidence." Just like you could never leave your house yet develop the body of a long distance runner. So long had a treadmill somewhere, and did the appropriate exercises, you'd get the results. Turns out there are PLENTY of exercises you can do to develop public speaking confidence. None of which involve speaking publicly. Many of them are purely mental exercises. Imagination exercises. Journaling exercises. Memory building exercises. And just like the guy who never leaves his house yet has a runner's body, you can never get up in front of a crowd, and develop a public speaker's confidence. The kind of confidence that turns heads when you walk into a room. The kind of confidence people are drawn to. Both in times of trouble and times of safety. Alpha confidence. Get Some: http://mindpersuasion.com/public-speaking-confidence/
  15. https://loopvids.s3.amazonaws.com/Jun17Post.mp4 Once I was at this local bar. And they had this blues band playing. A local band. Their guitarist was much better than you'd imagine to see in a small local bar playing up on stage. The bar could hold maybe 50 people, if it were packed. But this guy was up there just absolutely shredding. But he was doing it in a way that indicated he didn't need much of his conscious brain. Of course, nobody thinks like this. "Wow, that guy seems to well into the range of unconscious competence!" But when somebody plays guitar without needing to even open his eyes, just playing by feel, even going off on wild tangents, it's clearly a very high level skill. My friend made an interesting remark. "That dude must sleep with his guitar!" Meaning he must spend a LOT of time with his guitar. Practicing. We tend to automatically assume people spend a lot of time practicing when we see them with CERTAIN skills or abilities. If you saw a guy walking down the street with an eight pack and zero body fat, you'd think he spent a lot of time in the gym. Or he didn't drink beer or eat cookies. But for some reason, some skills we don't tend to think of as learned. We tend to think of them as in-born. If we assume, first, that ALL SKILLS can be improved, then WHY, specifically, would people assume the opposite? For example, guys see another guy walk up and effectively talk a girl into feeling happy, outgoing, and attracted. Most guys don't assume he's spent a lot of time practicing. Most guys say he's a "natural." Meaning he just showed up with those skills. But why don't we see a guy playing guitar and assume he's a natural guitar player? Why don't we assume that eight-pack-guy was born that way? Because there is ALWAYS another thought associated with learned skills. Especially observed learned skills. We see a guy up on stage, shredding on his guitar. We assume he spent a lot of time practicing. We QUICKLY imagine our own, usually subconscious, cost-benefit analysis of US spending that same time practicing. Meaning we quickly imagine why HE decided to spend all that time practicing, while we didn't. The answer that generally comes back is we've got better things to do. We don't WANT to become a literal guitar super hero. OK, fine. But why do we label "naturals" as naturals? Because anything that involves social skills is TERRIFYING. We don't even like to CONSIDER the idea of practicing and getting better. But the truth is twofold. Part one is EVERYTHING is a skill. EVERYTHING you can do can be improved. Usually a lot. The second part is practicing social skills is not nearly as terrifying as people think. Quite the opposite. In fact, if you practice correctly, it's actually pretty boring. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/public-speaking-confidence/
  16. https://loopvids.s3.amazonaws.com/Jun15Post.mp4 Managing instincts is difficult. We were programmed a long, long time ago. Before we learned how to think, and talk and imagine. Instincts are like compulsions. They make us do certain things. And keep us from doing other things. Since they were "calibrated" a long, long time ago, they're kind of out of balance. That's why it's so hard to maintain a healthy weight. Being always hungery, and getting a huge pleasure while eating was necessary a long time ago. When food was hard and sometimes dangerous to get. We HAD to have a HUGE desire to eat so we wouldn't die of starvation. But today, it kind of sucks. Our instincts, especially are hunger instinct, is like the Borg. Resistance is futile. That's why no matter how well you do on a diet or exercise program, if you take just a week off, it's HARD to get back. Nature meant it to be this way. The desire to eat is like the Terminator. It never sleeps, it never gets tired. Since food is the MOST IMPORTANT thing, we crave it the most. It's the HARDEST instinct to manage. Others are easier. At least past a certain point. For example, plenty of people have a lot of social anxiety. Between where they are, and where they'd like to be is a big, invisible barrier. One that the more they TRY and push through, the harder it gets. But unlike food, once you get past a certain point, it's EASIER doing more. Kind of like those mag-lev trains. The ones that are based on oscillating magnetic fields. They both push and pull at the same time. But it takes a while to get going. Once it's going at a certain speed and momentum, it's very easy and efficient to keep going. Social anxiety is kind of like that, but only better. Mag lev trains are CONSISTENTLY oscillating. There is always a vibration between push and pull. It has to be carefully managed and operated. But our social instincts are not like that. They only have ONE push and ONE pull. Once you get past the first hurdle, it's much, much easier. The trouble is that many people try to go too quickly. To fake it till you make it. To feel the fear and do it anyway. To blast through the comfort zone. This would be like being WAY out of shape and trying to run a sub four minute mile. IMPOSSIBLE! But if you go VERY SLOWLY, improving will not only be easy, but enjoyable. Self sustaining. Meaning you'll get to a point where all social anxiety is a thing of the past. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/eq/
  17. Stone Cold Serial Killer: https://mindpersuasion.com/serial-killer-hobby/
  18. Everybody has a unique balance with respect to social comfort. Everybody has a point beyond which they'll start to feel social anxiety. Everybody has a point up to which they'll be more outgoing. When we are around friends, this balance is in one place. When we are around strangers, this balance is somewhere else. Regardless of who we are around, we tend to find our own equilibrium. Too much outgoing behavior will get us TOO MUCH attention, and cause us to pull back. Not enough will motivate us to speak up, and push out a bit. Both of these involve the idea of social attention. When we WANT more social attention, we push our social energy OUT. When we are getting TOO MUCH social attention, we pull our social energy BACK. But there is a way to push out as much as you want and NOT get any social attention. Most of the time, when we talk, people look at us. And the stuff we talk about is about us somehow. Something that happened to us. Something we have a strong opinion. So naturally, when we talk about these things, people focus on us. But you can speak about things that are metaphorically off to the side. The longer we speak, the more they'll be focused NOT on us, but on the stories we are telling. Once you realize how easy this is, you can start to put some very, very persuasive ideas within the stories. So persuasive you can get people to do anything you want. And since they are paying attention to the stories, and not you, they won't remember you nearly as much as the stories. This is normal. This is why actors have much more name recognition that screenwriters. This is why characters in movies have much more name recognition than directors. Listening to stories is a very pleasant, and very instinctive process. So once you start speaking in "story language," you can metaphorically step aside. They'll be paying attention to the stories, and not you. This will let you get as crazy as you want. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/storytelling-magic/
  19. A common and very old "pick up line" works best with very attractive women. You see a gorgeous girl, you walk up confidently and say, "Excuse me, I don't mean to bother you. I just want to ask you a quick question. Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?" As a pickup line, it will knock any pretty girl off balance. It's meant to demonstrate that the asker is more concerned with personality than silly things like beauty. Of course, like all pickup lines, it won't really work if you don't understand the deeper meanings and presuppositions. If you don't have a lot of experience with women, NO pick up line will work. The reason pick up lines and other memorized patterns are dangerous is because they don't allow for any response. Everything you can say to anybody, they can say a few things back. And every single thing they say back, you can say a few things in response. This is why memorized patterns for any reasons (sales or seduction or just social skills) will only last for the first or second round. Beyond that, if you can't think on the fly, you'll be standing there wondering what to say. This is the biggest fear for most people who aren't completely comfortable in social situations. Running out of things to say. When this happens (and it happens to EVERYBODY) it's uncomfortable. For everybody. Even the super confident and outgoing types. But there is a simple way to make sure this NEVER happens. And it's got NOTHING to do with memorizing all kinds of things to say in all kinds of situations. Think of two boxers. After just a few minutes, one of the most important variables is not their fighting skills, but their physical stamina and endurance. The more tired either boxer gets, the less resourcefully they'll be able to use their body. So if you ARE a boxer, the biggest portion of your training will be endurance, mixed in with actual boxing skills. What is the equivalent idea in social conversations? Emotional comfort. Strong, positive, pleasant emotional feelings. Most people don't have much of an emotional resource state. They get into a conversation, and as long as the conversation is going good, they feel good. But as soon as those uncomfortable silences start popping up, they become less and less emotionally centered. However, you CAN take build in some powerful emotional resource states. So no matter WHAT is happening in the conversation, you can fire an internal resource trigger, and feel really good. This will make it MUCH EASIER to look into your brain to find easy and natural things to talk about. This, of course, can be built in as well. Conversational AND emotional resilience. So you become the most attractive personality in ANY situation. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/attractive-personality/
  20. Fortune favors the brave. This is one of those truisms that everybody "knows," but not really. We all "know" it in the sense that we've heard it a billion times, so it's familiar. Intellectually familiar. But for many people, that's where it stops. There are plenty of stories and metaphors to describe this. The problem of many of those stories or metaphors is they are not relatable to the common person. Like Cortez burning his ships when he arrived in Central America. That way, his soldiers HAD to succeed, or else they'd die. Or the famous line from Apollo 13, "Failure, is not an option." I don't know about you, but I don't manage moon missions very often. Nor do I command a bunch of ships into unexplored territory. So when we hear those stories, we all nod our heads and say, "Oh, yeah, totally! Go big or go home!" But how often do we actually DO something like that? To actually make a move that proves that "failure is not an option," or that we really HAVE decided to "go big or go home?" We get opportunities every single day. But if we're too scared to take them, we don't even notice them. It's very common for guys and girls who are shy, but otherwise attractive (decent looks, decent clothes, decent personality) to NOT NOTICE the signals that women and men are giving them. Seeing the signals would require at least thinking about responding. Which would require either taking action (scary) or not (blow to the ego). So our cognitive dissonance doesn't even let us SEE those signals. But they're there. Like in the Talking Heads' song, "Dreams walking in broad daylight." Luckily, you don't have to burn any ships, or wait around until Tom Hanks and his buddies are stuck on a broken moon mission. Every single day you can take SMALL steps to push our your comfort zone. JUST SLIGHTLY. If you started doing pushups, nobody would doubt that within a year you'd be able to do a couple hundred (or a lot more) without stopping. Consider expanding your social comfort zone the same way. Tiny little baby steps, every single day. Inch by inch, as they say, life's a cinch. Click Here To Learn How
  21. In many disciplines, they have the idea of an "S curve." It represents any kind of growth. It starts out moving left to right, slowly increasing. Then something significant happens, and the growth increases a lot, going up, rather than across. Then it reaches a saturation level, and levels off, but still goes up a bit. Overall it, looks like an "S." That bottom curve is the best part. The bottom part before the curve is the HARDEST part. Where you're working and working and only SLIGHTLY getting better. So when you start to see REAL results, it feels pretty good. Most successful businesses go through SEVERAL "S-curves." Every time they level off at the top, (after the growth spurt) they scramble to find something else, and start growing again. For humans, we don't really feel alive unless we are constantly improving. That's why people who win the lotto or otherwise get a sudden ton of money tend to crash and burn. At first it feels pretty good. But then all the problems start. And most importantly, they aren't feeling that NECESSARY feeling of forward momentum, based on their own efforts. Few things in life feel better than putting in daily effort toward something that YOU feel is important, and noticing consistent results. Developing relationships with others isn't any different. We LIKE to have forward progress. One of the many reasons people break up is if they feel "stagnant." Just going through the motions. One of the reasons for this is that people start to feel comfortable with one another. Safe. But safety can sometimes be a trap. The worst trap. That one that doesn't reveal how insidious it is until you've spent years "safe" while life has been passing you by. Now, this doesn't mean you need to go swimming with sharks every day or get a pet rattlesnake and let it roam around your apartment. But it IS a good idea to do SOMETHING on a regular basis that is a LITTLE BIT outside your comfort zone. One way to do that is to always be open to meeting new people. Make it a habit to strike up a conversation with a stranger. Not because they're "hot" or you think you'll co-discover the next atomic element together, but just because. Because talking to new people is exciting. Interesting. And you NEVER know what growth opportunities will present themselves. Get Started: Click Here To Learn More
×
×
  • Create New...