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https://loopvids.s3.amazonaws.com/Aug28Post.mp4 A very common idea in self-development is being broken. Of having tried all kinds of ideas and programs, yet you're still stuck. What does, "stuck" mean, exactly? It's a metaphor that approximates a physical situation. Like a car that is stuck in the mud. The engines work, the tires work, but you aren't getting any traction. The work done by the engine is being wasted. No forward movement. Another physical description of being stuck is like when goofy criminals try to sneak in through the chimney. And get stuck. They writhe and grunt and push and wriggle, but they don't move. Another common metaphor is being "broken." Like if your car makes noise, but it doesn't quite turn over. Or your toaster has some kind of defect. This is much more common than people realize. Most people feel stuck and or broken. Quite often. But it's one of those things that we don't tend to talk about. So everybody believes it's only happening to them. Why do we feel like we are stuck or broken? The first part comes from generally success. When anybody is successful, in any area, it's MOSTLY unconscious. People that are naturally outgoing don't really know WHY they are. But our ego needs to feel like we are always in control. So if we ask them why they are so naturally outgoing, they'll feel the need to give us a conscious reason. The problem comes when we BELIEVE that conscious reason. And then WE apply that conscious reason and it DOESN'T work. Since it works for THEM, but not for US, then we must be BROKEN. Or we keep trying it, it doesn't work, and we feel stuck. But that's only because we are trying the WRONG thing. People that do things naturally and easily have NO IDEA why. But it's hard to admit that, as a normal human. Anything that we do well, our ego NEEDS to take credit. The truth is two fold. Everybody needs to DISCOVER their own way of doing things. Trying to copy others will NEVER work. We have no idea what it's like to be them. Their conscious answers don't really help, since that's NEVER the full story. The second half is that the process of discovering how to do things on our own is a LIFELONG PROCESS. This is something we DO NOT LIKE. We very much wish it were quick and easy. Because we are inherently lazy. Which is why we keep trying QUICK and EASY things. And when they don't work, we claim we are STUCK. Or broken. You're not. Take your time, go slow and learn how. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/social-anxiety-killer/
Most things can easily be seen in two parts. Night and day. Yin and Yang. Good and bad. Parasympathetic and sympathetic. Working and resting. Creating and re-creating. Sleeping and waking. Darkness and light. This is one of those chicken and egg questions. Does our body have all kind of dual functions because that is the nature of the universe? Or do we only perceive it so BECAUSE our body has plenty of dual functions? These kinds of questions are fun to talk about. But the essentially don't help us much. A lot of things can be seen in many different ways. I had a girlfriend in high school and we'd always get into arguments. I would like to talk about these things. While she would wish somebody would show up and tell us the answer. Some people like to search. Others would rather know. Sometimes, though, you don't to have to do one or the other. Take working and relaxing, for example. Way back in the day, there was a very clear distinction between the two. Working was the acquisition of needed calories to stay alive. Hunting or farming. And then later working in a factory. There was work, which was hard. Then there was relaxation, which was easy. But today, most everything is in a transition. Probably a very significant one. So the idea of ONLY working or ONLY relaxing isn't such a good idea any more. It makes sense to find activities that satisfy BOTH. There is an idea that we SHOULD love our job. Consider that to be an IDEAL, not an achievable goal. Ultimately, we do jobs because we get money. But the more you ENJOY doing the things you get money, the easier it will seem. And the more you'll enjoy thinking about it. If you HATE your job, it's hard to creatively think about how to make it more productive and lucrative. But if you can start to slide into a job you enjoy more, dreaming up better ways of being productive won't be so bad. You can start by looking at any overlaps between hobbies and skill learning. If you can find a hobby that is enjoyable on its, AND may point you in the direction of money-making skills, you could be onto something. Ideally you'd like to have a collection of skills that satisfy three criteria. You enjoy doing them, you're good at it, AND you can make some decent money. You hit all three and you've got it made. Learn More: http://mindpersuasion.com/self-help-fail/
I had a roommate once who decided to get into shape. He's been out of shape for a long time. And he decided to start running. He, like most people, did way too much too soon. Next time I saw him he had ace bandages on both knees. This is the source of the famous yo-yo diet. You see yourself in the mirror and get disgusted. So you make a VOW to lose weight. You start off with TONS of motivation. But the further away in time you get from that initial burst of motivation, the harder it is to maintain. When you had the initial burst of motivation, the BENEFITS were clear in your mind. But the costs were not. The more you move forward in time, the more the costs pile up. And since the motivation was to move away from a negative, the benefits get smaller as you go forward in time. Pretty soon the costs OUTWEIGH the benefits, and you stop. Gaining back whatever you'd lost. Most people repeat this process again and again. This is common when it comes to physical fitness. The DESIRE is clear, but the costs to get that desire are not. The costs are difficult, but they don't cause anxiety. Anxiety creates a completely different set of costs. So this same process, when it happens with social skills, seems a billion times worse. You have a clear DESIRE. Maybe to become outgoing. Maybe to talk to a certain person. So long as your safely at home, it's easy to imagine the benefit. But as soon as the rubber meets the road, you feel a HUGE internal resistance. With something like weight loss, the resistance builds slowly. The costs slowly increase, and the benefits slowly decrease. But with anything social skills related, it's like a smack in the face. You could be TOTALLY pumped up in the car. But as soon as you get inside, and start making eye contact with others, that resistance is very sudden, and very strong. Losing weight is difficult. But it doesn't evoke any ancient fears of death. When you think of exposing yourself socially, it DOES. Your ancient monkey brain actually feels life threatening fear. So using the yo-yo metaphor isn't even appropriate. So, how can you get around this very common problem? By understanding it and breaking it down. To the most BASIC elements. Turns out when you just suck it up and get out there, you are combining a LOT of elements. Each of which can be treated INDIVIDUALLY. And privately. So you can slowly build them up individually and privately. Until you're ready to get out there. And when you do, it will feel natural and automatic. No sucking it up required. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/cb/