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Finding motivation is a common desire. There are tons of motivational videos. Lots of offices have motivational posters. If you are a decent motivational speaker, you could earn a lot of money. But motivation might not be the best idea. Why not? Motivation is essentially trying to find energy that you don't have. For example, if you were walking down the street, and you saw a $100 bill on the ground, would you need to motivate yourself to bend over and pick it up? No, you'd pick it up without even thinking. Imagine if you just spent the afternoon at the park, running around the track. Say you'd finished running five miles. And you'd done your quickest time yet. There you were, sitting on the park bench. Completely exhausted. And then you saw a $100 bill floating by in the breeze. Would you need to find some hidden "motivation" to reach out and grab it? Or would you grab it automatically? The idea of needing motivation is the same as thinking you SHOULD do something, but part of you doesn't want to. Or part of you wants to, but another part, a STRONGER part, doesn't want to. We can imagine that we always have a couple parts. One wanting to do something, and one not wanting to do that thing. When you AUTOMATICALLY reach over to grab found money, the part that wants it is WAY stronger than the part that doesn't. So admitting you need "motivation" is admitting that the part that DOESN'T want to take action is STRONGER than the part that wants to take action. But motivation that comes from speakers, and videos, and songs, and posters is VERY GENERAL. And it doesn't last long. The internal motivation, the natural motivation that makes you AUTOMATICALLY pick up money comes from the inside. It happens UNCONSCIOUSLY. Wouldn't it be better, then, to figure out how to make that happen for the stuff you WANT? Instead of needing songs and seminars and posters? If you want to be "motivated" to be more outgoing socially, there are some easy exercises that will do the trick. They won't require you "push yourself," or "fake it until you make it." It's based on internal thinking. Observational and journaling. But slowly building up your NATURAL desire, until you reach that tipping point. So going over and talking to interesting people is JUST as automatic and natural as picking up money. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/deep-mind-persuasion/
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Everybody loves deep conversations. The kind that make you really think. The kind that stand out in your mind and your memory. Everybody would like to make an impression on others. Most do so by trying to be IMPRESSIVE. Grammatically, this makes perfect sense. You want to make an impression, so you act and speak impressively. The idea being that when the conversation is over, they'll remember you. And they'll remember you by thinking, "Wow, that guy was really IMPRESSIVE." How would you do this? Be very clever. Have a lot of interesting stories and anecdotes. Be extremely witty and humorous. Have an extremely strong frame so when they try and poke holes in it, you can easily out frame them. This is all very possible. And it is THE most common strategy. Unfortunately, while it can work like magic, it takes a LOT of practice. It's all based on YOU. And how they JUDGE you. No matter how strong of a "game" you build, you are always presenting yourself to them for approval. Because this is common, you are essentially COMPETING with everybody else who has this same strategy. So when you try to IMPRESS somebody, they are comparing you to everybody else who has tried to IMPRESS them. If you happen to BE a very impressive person, this is pretty easy. Unfortunately most of us are pretty normal. Lucky for us, there is a MUCH EASIER way. A way to leave a much BETTER impression that has NOTHING to do with you. Nothing to do with your job, your bling, your social status, or even your physical appearance. And EVERYTHING to do with how you make them FEEL. How do you do this? By focusing on STRUCTURE instead of content. Content is all the THINGS you try to impress them with. Structure is HOW they think. HOW they see the world. It's one thing to ask about them from a content level. This is essentially Dale Carnegie's advice. Talk about them instead of you. Since they are more attracted to ideas about THEM than they are about you. But when you ask about them from a structure level, it will seem incredibly deep and memorable. You'll ask them simple questions that get them thinking in ways they've NEVER done before. And because you'll be covertly eliciting their deep FILTERS, you will know MORE about them in just a few minutes than their best friends. And when you demonstrate this, they'll be more impressed with you than anybody they've ever met. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/deep-mind-persuasion/
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There are two specific thoughts that create social anxiety. The first is not knowing what to say. You see a cute guy or girl across the room. You share a few IOI's. But then you wonder, "what should I say?" There is a belief among many that you need to IMPRESS the other person with your conversation skills. This idea presupposes that THEY have the ability to accept or reject you. Which more deeply presupposes that YOU have already ACCEPTED them. This puts you behind before you even get started. And to a greater extent, we have this "default" mindset when we present ourselves to ANYBODY and hope to be ACCEPTED. One way this comes across is in job interviews. The idea is the interviewer has all the power. And the interviewee has to make themselves sound BETTER than everybody else. This is not the best strategy. This is what happens when we operate from SCARCITY. When we think that ONE PERSON is our only hope for happiness. That if that ONE PERSON reject us, we are doomed. If you need a job, or if you haven't been with anybody in a while, it is very hard to shake this mindset. But unless you DO manage to shake it, the scarcity mindset will continue to haunt you. Unfortunately, it's not something that can be switched off. It's kind of like a bad habit. You need to re-train yourself. Luckily, you can do this with friends and colleagues. By practicing a STRUCTURAL way to talk to people. There are seven basic STRUCTURAL filters that we use to help make sense of all the data hitting our senses. Because these filters operate subconsciously, few people know about them. But once you understand how these work, and how to talk about them, a couple of VERY IMPORTANT things will happen. One is you'll NEVER worry about wondering what to say. Once you understand these seven basic structures, they can be the source of ENDLESS conversational topics. With very little thinking required. The second thing is people will LOVE talking about these things. They are very DEEP. They are questions that will automatically create a deep connection. Never again will you feel the need to IMPRESS anybody. Because everybody has treasure. And once you learn how EASY it is to go treasure hunting in ANYBODY's brain, you'll soon be the center of attention in ANY social situation. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/deep-mind-persuasion/
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There's a very powerful way to respond to insults. And when you can do this correctly, the insulter will be absolutely speechless. Everybody watching will think you are super hero of language. It requires that you have an idea of the type of insult. The linguistic structure. It's very similar to the idea of agreeing and amplifying. This is very useful when done playfully. Say you are wearing a particularly bright shirt. And your friend sees you and makes a joke. "Dude, you should have told me, I would have brought my sunglasses" The structure of agree and expand means to agree that your shirt is bright and roll with it. So you might say something like: "Yeah, sorry, I had an eye exam today. I can't see very well so I wore this shirt so I wouldn't bump into stuff." Whenever somebody insults us, they expect to knock us off balance. So when you agree and amplify, it's NOT what they are expecting. And it makes you look pretty cool. Not only can you take a joke, but you can agree with the implied insult (dude that shirt is bright) but you can make a BETTER joke than the insulter. It's a way to maintain the frame while allowing them to keep theirs. Essentially, you make your frame bigger and more compelling. This is fairly easy when done playfully. But what about when the insult is real? When it's NOT friendly? When it's genuine purpose is to make you look bad? Same structure, except when you agree and amplify, you turn the meaning around so it makes the insulter look bad. And you deliver it with dead pan seriousness. This takes a lot of practice, and some quick thinking. OR if you have an idea of the insults that will come. For example, consider the bright shirt comment. If it came from an enemy, and not a friend, here's one way you COULD respond. First agree, that the shirt is bright. But instead of making a joke, you take that idea and make it a negative comment about the insulter. He says the bright shirt is BAD. You extend that to mean that bright lights are bad. Which could mean he prefers darkness. Those that prefer to operate in darkness are shady characters. So a possible comeback, delivered with pure deadpan, humorless energy could be: You prefer to operate in the dark, where nobody can see you? This would stun them. It's logical ENOUGH so they'd have to think about it. They would be silent for long enough to shift the focus from you, onto them. All you need to do is drop a couple comments like this and you'd quickly build a STRONG reputation. It takes practice, but it is well worth it. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/verbal-assassin/
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https://mindpersuasion.com/party-hero/
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Groucho Marx famously said that sincerity is the most important thing in the world. And if you can fake it, you've got it made. A-list actors are very good at faking sincerity. This is why they get paid so much. Just looking at their facial expressions makes it seem real. The other night I watched a weird, low budget, alien, time travel movie. The acting was very good. In one scene, an actress had to look out her kitchen window, and make it seem like she was really seeing a glimpse of hell. Then she went back to normal. She had to go from a normal expression, to seeing actual hell, and then back to normal. All in a few seconds. Of course, they later put on a lot of hellish sounds and colors and shadows, but her facial expressions did all the work. If most of us tried this, it would look silly. It's why actors that suck are referred to as "wooden." Their faces don't move. Good actors, on the other hand, can conjure up any emotion they want. And for them, it's a REAL emotion. It's not uncommon for actors to have serious and long lasting trauma because of a particular role. Shelly Duvall, for example, was seriously messed up after filming, "The Shining." Plenty of other actors have some lingering side effects. This is what you'd expect. To be in a situation where you PURPOSELY conjure up REAL emotions of getting hunted by evil supernatural entities. Kind of hard to shrug that kind of stuff off. But the technique is something most of us can use. Most people expect their situation to do the work for them. For example, people try to apply Dale Carnegies advice to let others do the talking. But then they find that most other people are pretty boring. The thing is, though, that ANYBODY can let somebody else do talking if that other person is INTERESTING. Listening to an interesting person talk is NOT a very valuable skill, since ANYBODY can do it. Another common idea is to expect the external situation to help us feel safe. We don't usually think in these terms. But we behave this way. We only feel safe when we are around friendly people and friendly situations. When we are in unknown situations, or around unknown people, we don't feel nearly as safe. But this is ONLY because our "factory setting" is to let our EXTERNAL situation dictate our INTERNAL state. But we can do the same thing actors do. Create an internal state at will. And let that internally created state OVERRIDE our external situations. This is exactly what actors do when they pretend they are surrounded by demons, but in reality, they are surrounded by dudes with cameras. Of course, you don't want to pretend you are surrounded by demons. You can pretend you are surrounded by anything you want. Like friendly angels. The more you practice, the better you get. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/cb/
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There are two bad things that can happen if your level of skill is not correctly calibrated to your level of expectations. If you think you will get much more than your skills actually can, you'll develop a sense of entitlement. This can lead to a feeling that the world is rigged against you. You try something, expect to get a very good result, but only get a so-so result. But if you only have so-so skills, you should only get a so-so result. If you have so-so skills but expect amazing results, you'll feel cheated. The more you try, the more cheated you'll feel. This will lead you to EXTERNALIZE your frustration. This doesn't lead to an improvement of skills. Since you don't think you NEED to improve your skills. You'll develop a belief that the world is broken. The other side of mis-calibration is just as bad. If your skills are HIGHER than your expectations. You have FANTASTIC skills but you only believe you have so-so skills. This will lead you to getting results ABOVE what you think you should. This generally leads to self-sabotage. You purposely mess up so your results match what you expect. But since what you expect is BELOW what you can actually get, you keep getting good results, but then messing them up. Like they say in the Kinks song: "You get a good thing going and you blow yourself out." Of course, having an expectation that is based on your actual skills is best. It MINIMIZES frustration and MAXIMIZES growth. When this is properly calibrated, EVERYTHING will feel like doing something simple like shooting baskets. Since the basket is right in front of you, it's hard to NOT match your understanding of your skills to your results. This can be difficult to accept, especially with social skills. But if you were to measure the actual RESULTS you were getting, and used your results as the ONLY MEASUREMENT of your skills, you could improve much more quickly. Especially if you could break down all the micro-skills and practice them independently. Kind of like in sports or music. So long as you have an accurate read of your skills, and an understanding of all the micro skills and have to practice them, continuous improvement is easy and automatic. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/cb/
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I had a roommate once who decided to get into shape. He's been out of shape for a long time. And he decided to start running. He, like most people, did way too much too soon. Next time I saw him he had ace bandages on both knees. This is the source of the famous yo-yo diet. You see yourself in the mirror and get disgusted. So you make a VOW to lose weight. You start off with TONS of motivation. But the further away in time you get from that initial burst of motivation, the harder it is to maintain. When you had the initial burst of motivation, the BENEFITS were clear in your mind. But the costs were not. The more you move forward in time, the more the costs pile up. And since the motivation was to move away from a negative, the benefits get smaller as you go forward in time. Pretty soon the costs OUTWEIGH the benefits, and you stop. Gaining back whatever you'd lost. Most people repeat this process again and again. This is common when it comes to physical fitness. The DESIRE is clear, but the costs to get that desire are not. The costs are difficult, but they don't cause anxiety. Anxiety creates a completely different set of costs. So this same process, when it happens with social skills, seems a billion times worse. You have a clear DESIRE. Maybe to become outgoing. Maybe to talk to a certain person. So long as your safely at home, it's easy to imagine the benefit. But as soon as the rubber meets the road, you feel a HUGE internal resistance. With something like weight loss, the resistance builds slowly. The costs slowly increase, and the benefits slowly decrease. But with anything social skills related, it's like a smack in the face. You could be TOTALLY pumped up in the car. But as soon as you get inside, and start making eye contact with others, that resistance is very sudden, and very strong. Losing weight is difficult. But it doesn't evoke any ancient fears of death. When you think of exposing yourself socially, it DOES. Your ancient monkey brain actually feels life threatening fear. So using the yo-yo metaphor isn't even appropriate. So, how can you get around this very common problem? By understanding it and breaking it down. To the most BASIC elements. Turns out when you just suck it up and get out there, you are combining a LOT of elements. Each of which can be treated INDIVIDUALLY. And privately. So you can slowly build them up individually and privately. Until you're ready to get out there. And when you do, it will feel natural and automatic. No sucking it up required. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/cb/
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Most practice is easy, but boring. This is the main reason why few people do it. It's also why Napoleon Hill suggested having a "burning desire" was necessary. If you had a passive interest in learning the piano, for example, that passive interest wouldn't enough. You'd give up (like many people) rather quickly. Before you started practicing, it might seem pretty cool when you imagine being able to PLAY the piano. But the more you practiced, the more the REAL COSTS of being able to play would add up. When you imagine being able to play, you don't really have an accurate idea of what having that skill would cost. Both the direct costs (the daily boring practice) and the opportunity costs (the stuff you were missing out on). But if you had a BURNING DESIRE to play, that would take you through. For example, imagine if somebody gave you a very complicated piece of sheet music, and told you if you could play it perfectly, from memory, within a year, he'd give you a billion dollars. Most people would be pretty motivated to practice every day. So they could get the billion dollars. With regular skills, you can BUILD UP the burning desire by taking time to IMAGINE all the good things that will come when you get the skills. You need to do this, or else the costs will outweigh the benefits. So long as you take the time to BUILD the benefits to BURNING DESIRE level, you'll be OK. But this ONLY works with non-social skills. Why? Because social skills introduce another idea into the mix. Namely, social anxiety. So not only do you need to practice, but the practice itself is VERY UNCOMFORTABLE for most people. It creates a TON of anxiety for most people. And when your brain is feeling anxiety (rather than boredom) it's very hard to learn ANYTHING. This is why practicing social skills, compared to practicing music or sports, is something few people ever think of. But guess what? There are some aspects of social skills that you can practice AT HOME. And practicing these ARE boring. So you'll learn them much quicker. And there is a huge BENEFIT to doing this. Because practicing these skills at home will REDUCE your anxiety. They do so by building up the other side of the anxiety. And once they are relatively EQUAL to the strength of anxiety, the anxiety will vanish. And once you get to that level, the idea of "practice" will be self sustaining. Talking to interesting people and making them laugh and smile is IMMEDIATELY rewarding. Playing the scales over and over and over and over again, not so much. The trick is to practice these social skills AT HOME, until the anxiety is gone, and then practicing with other people will be natural, easy and INSTANTLY rewarding. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/cb/
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Quantum physics is often thought of as mystical. It's also used to describe mystical things. But in reality, it's actually pretty simple. In English grammar, there is countable nouns and uncountable nouns. Countable nouns are things like penguins, bananas, and carne asada burritos. I went to the zoo and saw a lot of penguins. How many penguins? Seventeen penguins! Damn dude, that's a lot of penguins! On the other hand, there are uncountable nouns. Things that you can't count. Like water. I went to the ocean and saw a lot of water. How much water (not "how many water")? A lot of water. Penguins you can describe with numbers. Water you can't. You can count the containers of water, but not the water itself. Once upon a time, scientists thought ENERGY was an uncountable noun. But it turns out they were wrong. Energy is countable. It comes in discrete packets. Just like penguins. You can't have a penguin and a half. Nor can you have a "unit" of energy and a half. And as you have already guessed, the word "quantum" is from the same root as the word "quantity." So in a very real, very LITERAL way, "quantum physics" is really the SAME as "countable physics." But since "quantum" is a word most people don't use, it sounds mystical and cool. Quantum healing. Quantum hypnosis. Etc. Swap out the word "countable" for quantum and it sounds pretty same. "Hey dude, I invented a new form of hypnosis. Called countable hypnosis!" "Uh, like count from ten down to one? Dude, that's been around for a while..." So, why all this talk about quantum penguins? Because many skills are much easier to learn if you break them down into their most basic components. Or their "quantum level." Meaning the smallest part that you can actually practice. Many people do this already. Learning to play the piano, for example, you start off by doing simple scales. Then simple chords. Then reading simple notes in simple keys. Smaller building blocks are easy to practice. And once you've got a lot of these smaller building blocks mastered, they can add up to some cool stuff. Having a lively and memorable conversation with somebody is comprised of many of these smaller, "quantum level" skills. And each one you can practice on your own. In the privacy of your own home, or your own brain. Once these smaller chunks are strong enough, you can combine them in very interesting ways. Ways that will make you a much more POWERFUL conversationalist. Without EVER feeling any social anxiety. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/cb/
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There are many myths about fear. One common and very old one is that if you "do the thing you fear, the death of fear is certain." The problem with ideas like this is they SOUND fantastic. But they are very hard to verify one way or another. We like them because they feed the deeper idea that if we REALLY wanted to do something, we could. That "just" on the other side of that "fear" is everything we could ever hope. Just on the other side of that fear is relationships, money, love, success, fame, etc. We're just not quite "ready" yet to face our fears. But because we KNOW (allegedly) that once we face our fears, we'll kill our fears, that everything after that will be smooth sailing. Only problem is that statement is false. But after we understand WHY it's false, the REAL truth is actually much better. Fear causes a lot of negative emotional energy. As a natural response, the body produces OPPOSITE energy. This is WHY people love things like skydiving and bungee jumping. After the AUTOMATIC fear response, their body is FLOODED with powerful endorphins. Those endorphins feel FANTASTIC. That's why they go skydiving. But here's the thing. If facing your fears REALLY DID end the fear, then nobody would go skydiving a second time. The first time, you would face your fear of heights. And once you faced it, the fear would DIE, according to that idea. Unfortunately, what that idea is describing "the death of fear is certain" is a simple, biological-neurological process. That same fear-endorphin response happens EVER TIME. You're not "killing" anything. You're purposely putting yourself in a situation where your body will produce a chemical that will give you a quick HIGH. Because this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME, the fear-endorphin response happens EVERY SINGLE TIME. The same things happen when guys do "cold approaches." Walking up to a gorgeous woman, and asking for the phone number. Sure, if you do it a bunch of times in one day, it will slowly feel natural. But go a few days without doing it, and you've got to start from scratch. This is why both men and women who find themselves back on the dating market ALWAYS feel they are starting over. This "starting over" feeling would be IMPOSSIBLE if you "killed" the fear. So what's the good news? Fear of heights is GENETIC. You can't undo it. Most other fears are LEARNED. Which means you can unlearn them. SLOWLY. And it turns out there are a lot other COMBINATIONS like the fear-endorphin response. And by turning up the OTHER SIDE of social fears, the fear will diminish on it's own. Once the other side is STRONGER than the fear energy, the fear energy WILL vanish. This can be done without EVER facing those fears. But instead by slowly and consistently doing exercises that will COUNTERACT that fear. And since these exercises can be done by yourself, you NEVER need to "face" your social fears to overcome them. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/cb/
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Self sustaining cycles are everywhere. Unfortunately, when they affect us humans, we tend to not notice. For example, if you are in a good mood, you will behave in a certain way. Your behavior will elicit positive behavior from others. You'll smile, they'll smile back. You'll broadcast positive body language, and they'll reciprocate. This creates a very good mood. The opposite is just as possible. If you're in a foul mood, and you broadcast foul body language and non-verbal communication. They reciprocate, and the cycle continues. Most people don't recognize this. Most people walk the Earth completely oblivious to this never ending back and forth. Large, positive and external events can have a huge impact. If an external event is strong enough, it can completely reverse this cycle. A strong enough negative event can shift you from a good mood to a bad mood. A strong enough positive event can shift you from a bad mood to a good mood. Many people interpret these randomly occurring, external events, as being "lucky" or "unlucky." Kind of like a boat just drifting and hoping to catch a "lucky" current and avoid an "unlucky current." Imagine if you are in a boat that was on a large lake. On one side was a huge party. On the other side was a waterfall into sharp rocks. And you believed that it was completely up to the gods of luck which way your boat drifted. And even if you started drifting towards the waterfall, your only response would be to curse the gods. Pretty silly, especially when you realize that the boat in this metaphor has an engine that can steer you anywhere. Like away from the waterfall and toward the party. We are all like the boat. But most of us haven't discovered our engine. The engine that can KEEP US in a good mood REGARDLESS of what's going on around us. And that good mood will make us VERY ATTRACTIVE to those around us. Sure, external events CAN impact our inner state. But you can also learn to CONTROL your inner state. And make it strong enough so that only YOU can control your inner state. Making you more attractive than ever. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/attractive-personality/
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It sucks to be a hot chick. At least that's what they say. And it makes sense on many levels. For one, everywhere you go, dudes are looking at you and dreaming of banging the crap out of you. Most people assume that ALL you've got is a hot body and a pretty face. In a way, gorgeous people (both guys and girls) end up with a bit of a personality handicap. This isn't done on purpose, it just happens. If you go through life with an exceptionally good looking set of features, you don't have to do as much work as everybody else. It would be possible to get by with less effort than everybody else. This isn't fair, and nobody really likes to talk about this stuff. But study after study shows that attractive people get better attention than unattractive people. In the short term, it is definitely a plus. But in the long term, it add up to some personality deficiencies. This isn't meant to slam attractive people. Only to understand that although on the surface they seem to have an advantage, in the long run that can easily add up to a disadvantage. Of course, plenty of attractive people are intelligent enough to know that skating by on ONLY their looks is very dangerous. Because looks WILL fade with time. Plenty of young, hot, up and coming actors are now ten, twenty years older and NOWHERE to be found. In a sense, if you AREN'T particularly blessed in the looks department, that's actually a good thing. Because most of the time, we humans are pretty lazy. Meaning we don't really do much until we have to. This is essentially the story of human history. Humans are cruising along, some calamity happens and FORCES them to invent something new. And that something new ends up sending society up a notch or two. Making life better than it was. On a personal level, if you DON'T have good looks, you have to get by on your smarts. And there are a LOT of ways you can increase your non-physical traits. It IS very true that personality goes a long way. Or at least it CAN go a long way. Most people don't realize this because they don't realize that personality can be STENGTHENED and ENHANCED. Just like a muscle. If you do the right exercises, pretty soon you'll have some clear evidence. Personality works the SAME way. If you do the right exercises, pretty soon you'll have some clear evidence. And then you'll know EXACTLY how personality can go a long way. Learn More: http://mindpersuasion.com/attractive-personality/
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A common and very old "pick up line" works best with very attractive women. You see a gorgeous girl, you walk up confidently and say, "Excuse me, I don't mean to bother you. I just want to ask you a quick question. Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?" As a pickup line, it will knock any pretty girl off balance. It's meant to demonstrate that the asker is more concerned with personality than silly things like beauty. Of course, like all pickup lines, it won't really work if you don't understand the deeper meanings and presuppositions. If you don't have a lot of experience with women, NO pick up line will work. The reason pick up lines and other memorized patterns are dangerous is because they don't allow for any response. Everything you can say to anybody, they can say a few things back. And every single thing they say back, you can say a few things in response. This is why memorized patterns for any reasons (sales or seduction or just social skills) will only last for the first or second round. Beyond that, if you can't think on the fly, you'll be standing there wondering what to say. This is the biggest fear for most people who aren't completely comfortable in social situations. Running out of things to say. When this happens (and it happens to EVERYBODY) it's uncomfortable. For everybody. Even the super confident and outgoing types. But there is a simple way to make sure this NEVER happens. And it's got NOTHING to do with memorizing all kinds of things to say in all kinds of situations. Think of two boxers. After just a few minutes, one of the most important variables is not their fighting skills, but their physical stamina and endurance. The more tired either boxer gets, the less resourcefully they'll be able to use their body. So if you ARE a boxer, the biggest portion of your training will be endurance, mixed in with actual boxing skills. What is the equivalent idea in social conversations? Emotional comfort. Strong, positive, pleasant emotional feelings. Most people don't have much of an emotional resource state. They get into a conversation, and as long as the conversation is going good, they feel good. But as soon as those uncomfortable silences start popping up, they become less and less emotionally centered. However, you CAN take build in some powerful emotional resource states. So no matter WHAT is happening in the conversation, you can fire an internal resource trigger, and feel really good. This will make it MUCH EASIER to look into your brain to find easy and natural things to talk about. This, of course, can be built in as well. Conversational AND emotional resilience. So you become the most attractive personality in ANY situation. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/attractive-personality/
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https://mindpersuasion.com/conversational-brilliance/
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Value can either be subjective or objective. When we humans go shopping for food, the food must be something we can digest and get energy from. To that extent, the food has objective value. Beyond that, we can choose food that we enjoy eating. Or we enjoy our state of health that the food supports. To that extent, most of the food we eat has both objective and subjective value. If you were ONLY concerned with the objective value of any food, you might be consuming something like tasteless protein shakes that had a scientifically determined combination of nutrients. On the other hand, if you were ONLY concerned with your food's subjective value, you might only eat fast food. Many of the things we do have a mix of subjective and objective value. The things we NEED tend to have a minimum amount of subjective value. Furniture, for example, has to be sturdy, even, and stable. Cars need to runs smoothly and not explode while we are driving them. But once we get the objective part settled, there is a lot of subjective leeway. Since pretty much all cars and all furniture satisfy the objective requirements, they are shopped for and sold by their subjective value. If you walked onto a car lot, for example, and the guy started by explaining exactly why driving somewhere is better than walking, you'd think you walked onto some reality comedy TV show. When it comes to subjective value, we can further separate it into conscious and unconscious. When you're staring up at the menu, you don't really spend a lot of time CONSCIUSLY deciding what you want. We more or less turn off our conscious brains, and let our subconscious decide. This happens as we slowly glance over the menu items, and wait for a "feeling" that tells us that is what we want. We even say this out loud when we are glancing over a menu in a restaurant. "I don't know what I want." It's as if we are waiting for our subconscious to TELL US (through feelings) what we want. This happens on an even deeper level when we are mingling socially. When reading from a menu, it's a clear mix of conscious and subconscious. We wait until our subconscious "pings" us and then our conscious minds take over. When were are mingling socially, that "ping" is a very slow evolving collection of feelings. When looking at menu items, it's quick and obvious. But with people, it's slow and evolving. Luckily, there's a way to significantly JACK UP your subconscious value that others will perceive. Turns out that same signals advertisers use (social proof, scarcity, etc.) to promote products can be used to "promote" yourself. Socially and subconsciously. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/walk-away/
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We humans do very well when are constrained by external factors. For example, one way to "dry out" or get clean is to go to a facility where there are NO drugs or alcohol. You are surrounded by professionals all there to help you get clean. There are zero temptations. No triggers that make you want to relapse. This is the same structure dieters use to carefully fill their fridges with ONLY healthy food. It's nearly impossible to effectively lose weight if you've got a freezer full of ice cream and bagel dogs. The easiest way to STOP bad habits is to remove ourselves from temptation. It is very hard to remain around temptation, and stop the bad habits by sheer willpower. This goes way beyond "bad" habits. You can decide on specific behaviors that will HELP you get whatever outcomes you want. And you can decide what specific behaviors will KEEP you from getting those same outcomes. But unlike dieting and going clean, setting up your environment to make it EASY to do the things that will help you is not so easy. For example, one common activity that is not so much a "bad habit" but it's one we intuitively KNOW is not going to get us closer to ANY goal is wasting too much time watching TV or reading social media. You can use an hour of free time to do whatever you want. You can do things that are both enjoyable and productive. You can do things that are productive and not so enjoyable. You can do things that are not productive at all, and not really enjoyable. Most of the time, there is a limit on how much we can tweak our environments. Which means we HAVE to develop that habits that aren't dependent on our environment. What can make it even more difficult is some of these things are not so easy to measure, especially in the moment. It's pretty easy to check and see if you are reading social media or practicing a skill. But sometimes, what we do or not do is an internal, mental thing. How we think, and how we behave socially. One thing that most of us do WAY TOO MUCH is making ourselves TOO AVAILABLE. It's nice to think that you can just show up, "be yourself" and wait for the magic to happen. But even relaxing socially, especially if you want to make a positive impression on others requires conscious planning. One of these is by the impression you LEAVE THEM WITH. If you wait to long, you'll leave a bad one. If you leave EARLIER than you want to, you'll leave a good one. This is something that definitely takes practice. But it is one habit that will have enormous benefits. Learn More: http://mindpersuasion.com/walk-away/
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You'll find self-reinforcing cycles everywhere. But you have to look for them. Once you see them, you'll see them. A common way they present themselves is in those conversations that really flow from the get go. You behave in a way that makes them feel comfortable and relaxed. They respond in a way that makes YOU comfortable and relaxed. This can be a friendly conversation, or a romantic one. Everybody's heard stories of first dates where they end up talking for hours. Couples that have been together for ages fondly remember the days when they'd lie in bed together and talk all night after sex. Most people assume these kinds of things happen naturally. When they DO happen naturally, they are fantastic. But if you ONLY accept them as natural and organic, they are pretty rare. You CAN increase the likelihood of their occurrence. Each "event" will seem a little bit less "magic," since you are partly driving it consciously. But you'll make up for it in the increase in frequency of events. In a sense, it's very much like selling a product. The highest profit PER PRODUCT is rarely the best bet. For example, you might sell 1000 units at $10 profit per unit. Total profit of $10,000. But you might sell 5000 units at a profit if $5 per unit. That's a total profit of $25,000. When you consciously create and manage those positive reinforcing loops, they won't seem as magical PER EVENT, but you'll be able to create a lot more of them. One of the BIGGEST PROBLEMS of those magically occurring events is the longer they go on, the less likely each person will define the end in the same way. Example: Two people meet, and start talking. The conversation is going FANTASTIC. They are in a groove, and are naturally pushing each other's buttons. But ONE PERSON starts to notice the time. They start to enjoy the conversation less. Pretty soon that person is starting to feel uncomfortable. But the OTHER PERSON is hanging on for dear life. After all, it's a WONDERFUL experience, and they don't want it to end. Unfortunately, the LONGER they hang on, the LESS LIKELY the other person will want to see them again. If EITHER ONE OF THEM decided to leave the conversation after an hour, then BOTH of them would be looking forward to another conversation. But if it stretches to two hours, or even three, now you have a different story. One person is desperate to see the other person. But the other person is wants nothing to do with the other person. Moral of the story? You generally can't go wrong by LEAVING when things are going well. That will tend to create a strong desire in the other person to see you again. Whoever they are. Learn More: http://mindpersuasion.com/walk-away/
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When you were a kid, your mom was worried about you hanging out with the wrong crowd. Studies show that our adult personalities are made of two things. Genetics, which we get from our parents. And our non-family peer group, what we get from our friends. This is why when if you start hanging out with bad influences, your parents will be worried. This is also why the Eddie Haskell character from "Leave it to Beaver" was funny. When he was around Wally and Beaver (the two main characters) he was a bad influence. But as soon as an adult showed up, he turned up the charm. The interesting thing is specifically HOW we "pick up" those bad habits from the Eddie Haskell characters. We don't consciously copy them. We unconsciously model them. We unconsciously "soak up" their qualities. This only works if we ADMIRE them. We don't unconsciously soak up characteristics from people we DON'T admire. This is why modeling rarely works in the classroom. Unless the teacher has an ATTRACTIVE frame, and part of that attractive frame is doing what they are teaching. This is why it is VERY HARD to teach ANYTHING you aren't really passionate about. Saying you're passionate won't work. You have to BE passionate. If you were a math teacher, for example, and you REALLY LOVED doing long division, your students would have a much easier time learning it. But since most teachers don't really enjoy long division, most students think it sucks. Because most teachers recognize that it sucks. The most important thing you can do is be passionate about YOURSELF. The more you are naturally passionate about YOURSELF, the more others will naturally be attracted to you BECAUSE of that passion for yourself. This doesn't mean standing in front of the mirror and saying, "I love you," for ten minutes every morning. This means you SHOW your passion by how much you enjoy BEING yourself. If you ENJOY being in your own skin, living your own life, then everybody else will very much want to be around you. But here's the weird part. It doesn't matter WHAT it is about your life, or being YOU, that you enjoy so much. So long as you REALLY DIG your life, so will everybody else. Maybe that comes across as how you appreciate imagining your life in a year or two. Maybe that comes across when you stop and really appreciate the simple things. Most people get confused, and think they need to have objectively valuable CONTENT. Money, looks, status, etc. But you don't. You just need to start practicing a few simple mental exercises to BUILD your self appreciation. The MORE you appreciate YOURSELF, the more others will appreciate YOU. Learn More: http://mindpersuasion.com/walk-away/
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A fairly common situation is to meet somebody famous. Especially if they are famous for “pretending.” Either an actor, or a performer of some kind. A friend of mine took his son to see a locally famous comedian. It was at some fair or something. The son really liked him, his jokes were goofy and childlike. When he performed, he had a lot of energy. The energy combined with his goofy jokes made him pretty popular with the kids. So the father and the son went looking for him after the show. Somehow, they made their way into a backstage area they weren’t supposed to be in. Where the comedian didn’t expect to meet any fans. When they saw him, he was sitting on a chair, elbows on both knees, cigarette hanging out of his mouth and a tired look on his face. The absolute OPPOSITE of how he was on stage. While shocking, this is kind of what you’d expect. Especially from somebody who has super high energy as part of the act. This is essentially what it means to be an entertainer. To perform in a certain that is NOT normal. Imagine if the guys who did pro wrestling were ALWAYS like that. Body slamming people out of the way in the grocery store. The reason we crave that behavior from entertainers is the same reason we crave fictional stories. Because LIFE is NOT like that. Very few people we meet in life are charismatic. Very few situations we find ourselves in are like on TV or the movies. Most people, and most situations, are pretty boring. When people go see a movie, or a live performance, they EXPECT over the top behaviors and situations. Which is why if you slowly build up a “personality” that is “better” than average, people will respond VERY favorably. The easiest way to do that is to build a very compelling frame. Most people are always looking OUTSIDE of themselves for entertainment, reassurance and validation. The trick is to get all those from INSIDE your own brain. It’s actually pretty easy. Just find as many situations in your past, where you did something YOU were very proud of. Things that entertained you a great deal. And practice holding those things in mind, making them as strong as you can. It’s common to have a strong frame AFTER doing something remarkable, but then it wears off. This trick will help you build and KEEP a strong frame based on the stuff that ALREADY exists in your mind. And when you show up with THAT frame, people will want some. This will make them naturally gravitate toward you, and your ideas. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/pre-framing/
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Napoleon famously said that men will die for ribbons. He learned from experience that his soldiers would fight much, much harder if he publicly rewarded them for bravery later on. After the battle, the few soldiers who bought the bravest would be brought before the entire army and given a ribbon. When he said men will die for ribbons, he wasn’t referring to the actual ribbon. He was referring to the idea of getting public recognition. Humans respond very strongly to the idea of becoming famous. Much more so if that fame is a result of something they’ve done. Especially if that something actually helped the community in some way. This is a very strong, and very ancient instinct. Each day hunters went out, they all wanted the big kill. Whoever dragged the biggest animal back to camp got MAD props from everybody. Each individual hunter was motivated by their own SELFISH desire to kill something big and get some rock star treatment. But that same selfish desire is what fed the tribe. And since they were all feasting on the same animal, it created tribal cohesion. Whenever people look around a crowded room, they look for people with that “rock star” body language and energy. People that have a history of doing great things and getting recognition for those great things have a certain “way” about them. This is how we can recognize charismatic people from across the room. We not only recognize them, but we also recognize everybody else recognizing them. In a tribe of ancient hunters, or a group of soldiers, you’d have to be a SERIOUS BAMF to get that kind of respect. But in a group of normal humans? Not so much. You only need just a little bit more than everybody else. And since most people aren’t rock stars, or hunters, or special agents, that’s pretty easy. Because that “rock star” frame comes from recent rock star memories. The cool thing is you can find your own rock star memories. And purposely make them as BIG in your mind as possible. Practice building them up. The outside energy, your frame, will be what people notice. All you’ve got to do is find a few memories of when you did ANYTHING with any amount of skill, and felt really good about it. It could be a memory from a week ago, or a memory from ten years ago. Find a few memories, build them up, and practice holding them in mind when you go anywhere socially. You’ll project a rock star frame, and you’ll attract rock star attention. Learn More: http://mindpersuasion.com/pre-framing/
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Status is something that is important, but often misunderstood. We tend to think of status as something that has obvious indicators. Wealth, bling, clothing, hanging out with the cool kids. But the status that is REALLY important is the kind that is very subconscious. And always present. It’s quite possible for people to have high artificial status, but very low real status. Especially in our jacked up economy. People that are wealthy, for example, have all the external “signals” of status but none of the subconscious energy. On the other hand, it’s very possible to have REAL status, but not much of the signals. No expensive clothes, or bling, or a big house in the hills. What’s the difference? Way back in the day, before society was invented, before money was invented, status was closely related to leadership. And it was also closely related to productivity. Productivity being the guy who could kill the biggest animal. One way to think of it as ancient societies like football teams. The quarterback was the guy who led the tribe on the hunt. That’s the same guy that got all the girls. And people turned to in times of trouble. This is REAL status. Today, when there are TONS of ways to make money, you can have plenty of FAKE status but NONE of the personality of an ancient leader. But we are JUST AS sensitive to those ancient status signals as we used to be. They put a bunch of people in a room, for example, and give them a task. INVARIABLY, they automatically sort into a hierarchy. And the guy or gal who ends up on top is the one with the strongest “leadership energy.” A mix of confidence, openness and a general feeling of “I’ve got this.” The kind of energy people NATURALLY turn to when nobody knows what to do. Even if you are a billionaire CEO of a tech startup, if you’re stuck in an elevator, you could be just as clueless as everybody else. In that situation, genuine, natural leadership is the one that wins. A short-hand name for that energy is “frame strength.” The person with the strongest FRAME is going to be the go-to guy or gal when nobody knows what to do. The person with the strongest FRAME is going to be the most attractive person in the room. The person with the strongest FRAME is going to be the most persuasive or seductive (if they want) without needing to do much speaking. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on who you are) it’s easy to make a ton of money today WITHOUT a strong frame. But when push comes to shove, people will prefer FRAME over fake status every single time. Which means if YOU get busy building a strong frame, you’ll be the one they prefer. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/pre-framing/
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There are a lot of paradoxes in human life. One was explained fairly well by Bryan Cranston, the guy who played Walter White on "Breaking Bad." He said most everybody is very reluctant to "let it all hang out" emotionally. But as an actor, you HAVE to do that. He also said that the more you do that (let it all hang out) the more of the paradox you see. Our deep fears is that the more we let it all hang out, the more likely we'll get rejected. But the opposite happens. The more we show our true selves, the more people will absolutely CRAVE our presence. But we spend most of our lives TERRIFIED of sharing our true selves. Which of course, creates an equally confusing paradox. We are terrified of sharing our TRUE selves in a fearless way. Since we think THAT will get us rejected. So instead, we are very careful how we express ourselves. We only express ourselves safely. We say safe things with safe energy and safe gestures. And THAT is what makes us UNINTERESTING to other people. Because playing it safe is pretty boring. Everybody can do it. Everybody DOES do it. So it's not special. Yet we all have this deep desire to BE SEEN by who we really are. At the same time, we are TERRIFIED to show ourselves the way we really are. This is why we HOPE for some magical person who will somehow "notice" our true selves. Problem is, this creates a world where EVERYBODY is waiting around for SOMEBODY ELSE to come and "notice them." Nobody is willing to share themselves. We all want the OTHER PERSON to go first. It's like one of those dances back in junior high school. Boys on one side, girls on the other. Everybody looking across the room waiting for somebody else to make the first move. One of the things we tell ourselves, is that we "don't know what to say." But it's not really WHAT we say that's important. It's HOW we say it. Not just energetically, but structurally. And the energy and structure of our expressions have NOTHING to do with the words we use. Because human interest, human desire, are MUCH DEEPER than simply the words. If you can learn to resonate on this deep, unconscious level, people will CRAVE your presence. How do you do this? Like This: http://mindpersuasion.com/party-hypnosis/
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One of the best conversations I've ever had was with a deaf person. In another country where few people speak English. So even if she could speak, we wouldn't be able to understand each other. So how did we communicate? Gestures. Facial expressions. And a calculator. It was on the streets of Bangkok, and I was haggling for a souvenir. It was much more than just trading numbers on a calculator. Every time she gave me a higher price, she did so with the skill of a master storyteller. Explaining to me with facial expressions, gestures, hand motions, exactly why she needed that price. And I did my best to do the opposite. The conversation lasted twenty minutes. And it was one of the most memorable I'd ever had. The second most memorable was a long conversation I had with a drunken Japanese businessman in an okonomiyakiya. This is a type of egg dish that is cooked on a common grill. He was sitting a couple seats down. He spoke to me for about twenty minutes. But I had no idea what he was saying. Since he was speaking Japanese, and I hadn't yet learned it. But I was in a "party-vacation" mood, so I just went it. I tried to decipher his meaning and feeling by his gestures, facial expressions, pauses, etc. I knew just enough to throw in a few, "Really, you don't say!" type statements in between his pauses. Both of these interactions were based zero percent on the words being spoken. Unfortunately, it's the words that keep us from connecting with others. The idea if "knowing what to say" is a common excuse. But in reality, it doesn't matter much. So long you words aren't too crazy, (May I borrow your liver?) you'll be fine. In truth, so long as the underlying energy is fine, everything else will be fine. But as us humans are wont to do, we put the cart before the horse. We think the energy is an EFFECT of the words, when in reality it is a CAUSE. With the right energy, you don't even need words. Without the right energy, no words will work. How do you build the right energy? It's very, very easy. Just get out of your head, and learn to vibe with people. You can vibe with entire rooms just as easily as you can vibe with individuals. The cool thing about this is you can practice without ever needing to say anything. And once you perfect the vibing part, the words will be easy. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/communication/
