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Baseball has been played a long time. Since the late 1800's. Today's teams play over 160 games per year. That's a lot of games since the late 1800's. 140 years, and over 210,000 games. How many perfect game have their been? 23. You likely don't remember this (I know I don't) but when you were learning to walk, you made a LOT of mistakes. Kids need to fall down quite a bit before they learn to balance on two legs. ALL learning is like this. Even something boring like learning history. You read something, and try to remember it, and you can't. You might call this a "remembering mistake." And you keep practicing until the "remembering mistakes" are low enough. Very few people go through school and get perfect scores on every single test. The human mind-body system is NOT designed to be "perfect." Ever. It's common to make a huge public mistake, and feel terrible. Then somebody says something like: "Oh, don't worry! Everybody makes mistakes sometimes!" This is a HUGE understatement. The TRUTH is that mistakes are part of daily live. They are NECESSARY. Every time you fumble for a light switch in the dark, you are using the human success system. Trial and error until you get CLOSE ENOUGH. Every attempt to find the switch is trial. And when you get CLOSE enough, meaning PART of your finger hits PART of the switch, you're good. This is the story of EVERY human success. Ever. Trial and error until you are close enough. Close enough for what? Whatever it is to achieve the MINIMUM ACCEPTABLE OUTCOME. Who determines that? Sometimes it's you. Sometimes it's your boss. Sometimes it's your coach, or teacher, or spouse, or even your kids. Every action is part of this trial and error until good enough system. Even walking. One area where it's hard to see this is in communication. It's very easy to think in terms of needing perfection. It's very common to end a conversation (or any other communication like a speech) and wish you did better. But this is the BIGGEST source of improvement. To have the idea of SOMETHING you COULD HAVE DONE, but didn't. So long you are pointing your skills in the right direction, you will keep getting better. The "trial and error until good enough" is built into your brain. Deeply and subconsciously. So long as you have a basic framework to work within, and you have ANY kind of experience, you can do better next time. You need to do the acting and reviewing yourself. But you can learn a fantastic communication framework here: http://mindpersuasion.com/verbal-assassin/
An ideal state from which to operate from is that of detached outcome. This makes sense from a logical standpoint. The less you are concerned with the outcome of any conversation, the less anxious you’ll be. Any anxiety of any kind will take plenty of your brain’s processing power. With zero anxiety, you can relax and give your entire attention to not only the words being said, but the massive amount of non-verbal energy. Both consciously and unconsciously. Once you start to get nervous, that nervousness slowly shifts into “fight or flight mode.” Instead of being relaxed and open, you’ll be in “better safe than sorry” mode. That being detached from outcome is a preferred state is pretty clear. But exactly HOW to create that state is the question. From one perspective, the easiest way to detach from outcome is to generally not be worried about the outcome. This is one of those things that is VERY HARD to fake, but when it’s natural, it’s natural. One technique is to see any one conversation in the context of a long range plan. Kind of like in baseball. Since they play over a hundred games, one loss in the middle of a season it’s such a big deal. And within one game in the middle of a season, one at-bat isn’t such a big deal. If you are one of the team’s sluggers, each at-bat in a mid-season game won’t be such a big deal. Making it VERY EASY to detach from outcome. Compared to say, being up to bat in the bottom of the ninth, last game of the world series, down by two runs, and a full count. In this situation, it’s VERY HARD to “detach from outcome.” For both the pitcher AND the batter. So, how to you make even seemingly important conversations seem much more like mid-season, mid-game at-bats? Always have a LONGER RANGE plan around that particular conversation. That way, even if that particular conversation doesn’t work out, it will. Meaning that no matter WHAT happens, you can benefit from that conversation. This is the real secret of being detached from outcome. Being able to accept ANY outcome as valid. Paradoxically, this will make you the MOST attractive from the other person’s perspective. Regardless of the external purpose of the conversation. Imagine if you were a hiring manager. And you had two candidates, both with relatively equal resumes. Which one would you prefer: Candidate A, who had a desperate, “please hire me I really need this job” energy? Or Candidate B, who had a very calm, “maybe we can come to a mutually beneficial agreement” energy? You can easily shift into the second mindset by creating some longer range plans. This will give you a very confident, very outcome-independent, and very attractive frame. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/pre-framing/