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Cialdini laws can be used to explain quite a bit of human behavior. They are essentially instincts that regulate our social behavior. William James, a philosopher and metaphysician from about a hundred years ago, said that humans have both a ton of learning capacity and a ton of instincts. Every other animal has mostly instincts. We have tons of learning because our brains are still forming for the first couple decades of our lives. Which means our instincts are more or less programmable. We need food, but we can choose a whole bunch of different food. We need sex, but we all have a different idea of an idea sexual partner. We crave social recognition, but how this happens is different for all of us. As far as our social lives, we have positive and negative social instincts. Just like we have positive and negative hunger instincts. The negative hunger instinct is that the longer we go without eating, the more uncomfortable we get. The positive hunter instinct is that it feels VERY GOOD to eat something delicious. The negative hunger instincts drive us away from starvation, the positive hunger instincts kind of reward is when we get food. Similarly, our social instincts have positive and negative levels. We are "rewarded" for helpful "tribal behavior" with positive authority validation and positive social validation. We are "punished" for unhelpful "tribal behavior" with negative authority validation and negative social validation. In an ancient society, this worked perfectly. But just like our hunger is troublesome today, so are these combinations of social instincts. Unfortunately, they are the source of plenty of human misery. And it happens in a very powerful way that creates a very strong cause-effect relationship. Since it happens when we are very young, it's kind of built in as an instinct. That's what happens when we are born with "less than defined" instincts. How, exactly, does this happen? Suppose you've got a kid in kindergarten or first grade. He has a desire to express himself. But the teacher doesn't agree. So the teacher yells at the kid. What is the result? This kid develops a casual link between the DESIRE to express oneself in public with NEGATIVE social and authority validation. If this happens a lot, it can cause trouble. This is EXACTLY why so many people have social anxiety as adults. We feel a desire to express ourselves. We START to express ourselves, but then that deep link is triggered. The one that reminds us that expressing our desires in public will lead to negative social and authority attention. This is why ANYTHING we want that involves social behavior creates a lot of anxiety. But there IS a pretty straightforward way to REMOVE this link. Learn How: http://mindpersuasion.com/beliefchange/
The world is in a strange place. Only a hundred years or so ago, it was perfectly fine to just show up. You did what you were told, and you'd have a job and family. Today, there is very little structure to anything. Everybody does whatever they want. There doesn't seem to be any rules. This is both good and bad. Good because you can get away with a lot of stuff that you couldn't get away with a hundred years or so ago. Bad because there are few external incentives keeping people on track. With the right external incentives, normally hard stuff can be easy. If you joined boot camp, for example, getting up at the crack of dawn would be easy. All alone (with only internal incentives) it's very hard. But if you CAN come up with your own internal incentives, and live by them, you can create ANYTHING you want. This is the double edge sword of modern life. You can do a lot of stuff. But nobody is forcing you. So it's very easy to slack off and take it easy. And once you start doing that, it's a hard rut to get out of. Luckily, you can start very slow. The myth of motivation is that you need a TON from the start. People think of the word "motivation" and they think of some guy leaping out of bed and going on a ten mile run in the morning. That works for a couple days. A much better and easier way is to start VERY SLOW. Do one small thing toward your goal or habit. Then do that one small thing until that one small thing becomes a habit. Then do another small thing on top of it. Slow, steady, consistent growth is much easier that super power motivation. Because slow, steady, growth adds up over time. What "small thing" should you try? Mental exercises are the easiest. Do them for five minutes. Same time every day. Once you learn to control your thinking, you can control everything. Learn More: http://mindpersuasion.com/nlp/
In many disciplines, they have the idea of an "S curve." It represents any kind of growth. It starts out moving left to right, slowly increasing. Then something significant happens, and the growth increases a lot, going up, rather than across. Then it reaches a saturation level, and levels off, but still goes up a bit. Overall it, looks like an "S." That bottom curve is the best part. The bottom part before the curve is the HARDEST part. Where you're working and working and only SLIGHTLY getting better. So when you start to see REAL results, it feels pretty good. Most successful businesses go through SEVERAL "S-curves." Every time they level off at the top, (after the growth spurt) they scramble to find something else, and start growing again. For humans, we don't really feel alive unless we are constantly improving. That's why people who win the lotto or otherwise get a sudden ton of money tend to crash and burn. At first it feels pretty good. But then all the problems start. And most importantly, they aren't feeling that NECESSARY feeling of forward momentum, based on their own efforts. Few things in life feel better than putting in daily effort toward something that YOU feel is important, and noticing consistent results. Developing relationships with others isn't any different. We LIKE to have forward progress. One of the many reasons people break up is if they feel "stagnant." Just going through the motions. One of the reasons for this is that people start to feel comfortable with one another. Safe. But safety can sometimes be a trap. The worst trap. That one that doesn't reveal how insidious it is until you've spent years "safe" while life has been passing you by. Now, this doesn't mean you need to go swimming with sharks every day or get a pet rattlesnake and let it roam around your apartment. But it IS a good idea to do SOMETHING on a regular basis that is a LITTLE BIT outside your comfort zone. One way to do that is to always be open to meeting new people. Make it a habit to strike up a conversation with a stranger. Not because they're "hot" or you think you'll co-discover the next atomic element together, but just because. Because talking to new people is exciting. Interesting. And you NEVER know what growth opportunities will present themselves. Get Started: Click Here To Learn More