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Athena

Reject Rejection is starting to work, I think!

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OK, as I said on the boundaries subliminal post, I am going to probably go back to the dating scene in late April (after a year out.)  I listened to the one on setting boundaries for a month and it made me feel like I will be more confident setting boundaries.  Not been able to put it into practice yet but will in April.  Anyway, as I said I would, I listened to a subliminal here called "Reject Rejection" for, well since about the 21st or 22nd of January and I see now that it is the 7th of Feb.  I really like that one because it's about being OK with other's choices but it's also got great affirmations about loving yourself.  

 

Anyway, today I'm noticing the effects.  I read something that I'm pretty sensitive about normally and would take personally and get upset and I didn't get upset.  I DID challenge the person's statement cos it was SUCH a broad generalization and pretty untrue but I no longer see it as "Oh I'll bet everyone thinks this way."  And i saw it as "well, that's just your opinion so whatever.  That's your opinion and I don't agree and that's fine.  And you wouldn't be into me then and some people wouldn't but who cares."

 

So I feel like the sub has helped me be less defensive and I HOPE that when I get back out there, if a guy rejects me because well WHATEVER reason: I'm not his type, different standards of what is and isn't acceptable behaviour or WHATEVER reason, I hope i can be OK with it then too.  I mean I AM but I want to be even MORE ok with it, if that makes sense? and not take it personally and see it as HE'S rejected me EVERYONE will reject me.  Just as OK we have different opinions and tastes and that means we're not a match so effing what.  Cos I know that there'll probably be a lot of mismatches before I find a good one who sees MY good and that things "work" with.  

 

Anyway, sorry to ramble on again!  In short! I've already noticed a positive change and healthier mindset from this sub, oh and I'm also talking more lovingly to myself, being more gentle in things I say to myself I don't mean slacking off in any form though.  And this might be a part of that too, with its message of self love.  

 

Hmm I wonder what sub I'll be listening to next, for the next part of my journey :-) Anyway, just wanted to share. And to recommend it to anyone who finds it hard to deal with rejection or wants to be affected less by possible future rejections.  Could also be good personally or professionally in this way, I think.  Update: I thought I  put the link to the subliminal in here and I see I didn't, it's this one: http://www.mindpersuasion.net/index.php?/blog/1/entry-174-reject-rejection/?showprivate=1

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P.S. Erm a little brag-gy maybe but I think it's related to the sub and I want to share:

 

I was in this chatroom yesterday that I go to and we can't see each other, just do text chat in the room.  Anyway, this guy I was chatting with said he wouldn't want to date someone like me because of a certain attribute.  I was SO OK about that and dealt with it SO well that ironically for him, after a few minutes he kept asking for my skype, my facebook, my number or me to go on kik.  And I swear to you he got to literally BEGGING me for it.  And saying he wanted to date me and everything. Wanting SO much to keep in touch and see what I looked like and even go out with me on dates even though before he didn't want to know!  And I was like no, you HAD your chance and you didn't want it so NO.

 

grumpy_cat.jpg

 

 (But actually, I don't usually keep in touch with people in chatrooms anyway) 

 

The next time I went into that chatroom, later on that night, the FIRST person who messaged me was him, and AGAIN he was begging, begging BEGGING me to get in touch with one of those methods.  And the reason I shared this is because I think using the reject rejection sub, might be having the effect that I dealt with his initial rejection of NOT wanting to date someone like me (not that I want to date him anyway LOL!) SO well rather than get offended and take it personally that it made him WANT to date me, I think or at least keep in touch. 

and it's like I can imagine Nelson Muntz from the Simpsons going:

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... This is pretty funny for some reason. Does this mean I can flip around any girl rejecting me so that she keeps coming back? Haha... I would have a lot of fun with this technique. Is it some kinda product? 

 

P.S. This chatroom of yours have a lot of girls? Never tried online dating. Any recommendations? 

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Unfortunately it's mostly guys in that chatroom.  After a while, I decided to turn that around to my "evil" purposes and now when I go in there I ask them questions about dating and guys but I'm very VERY upfront with the guys that that is what i am there for.  

 

It cracked me up laughing when I read about you flipping it around if a girl rejected you so that she keeps coming back, worth a shot!

 

This is the link for this subliminal, it's not a program though I do have some of George Hutton's programs, this one is a stand-alone subliminal and here's the link: http://www.mindpersuasion.net/index.php?/blog/1/entry-174-reject-rejection/?showprivate=1

 

I have tried these online dating sites/apps before: Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid and Tinder.

 

Not sure what to recommend, for starters it depends what you are looking for to some extent, OK I'm going to tell you what I see as pluses and minuses of each: 

Plenty of Fish:

The advantage is that people write quite detailed profiles so you get a better "look" at what they are like as a person and what they are looking for.  There also is a plenty of fish singles group in my city (but that's in the UK) that I used to go to for a while but i found it more useful socially, to polish off my social skills and have a laugh chatting away to new people rather than a way to meet guys I fancied.  I liked a few of the guys that went but as a rule it was more a social thing for me.  The plenty of fish forum is entertaining too.  So, PERHAPS in your city they might have singles events too if that appeals.

 

OK Cupid: Super detailed profiles...erm I'm going to assume you are vanilla but if you or anyone is a little bit kinky - I haven't used OK Cupid in this way myself but I have read that if someone is for e.g. a Dom, sub, or switch that it's a good idea to tailor your profile through answering the questions which takes a bit of time to match with more compatible people in that way (sorry for getting a bit kinky there, George! but it's something I've heard) but also from what i've heard let's say you want a woman who likes the great outdoors, easier so they say to find her on OK Cupid or a woman who HATES the great outdoors, because of the questions, easier to find compatibility.  

 

Tinder: Has a reputation as being a "hook up" app.  But I've also had actual date dates out of it, coffee dates and drinks and a chat with guys I was attracted to.  What I like about Tinder is that it ONLY matches you if you both right swipe so you have to both be attracted to each other to be able to chat. 

 

For me the disadvantage of Plenty of Fish (or "pof") and OK Cupid is that you can get messages from people you might not even be remotely attracted to - or you could message someone you are attracted to and be re-buffed or ignored if they are not attracted to you - (although I have had a handful of dates between the two with guys I was attracted to).  

 

The disadvantage of Tinder (but this depends what you are looking for) is that it has that reputation of a hook up app.  That's not necessarily a disadvantage but if you are looking for dates and a relationship (as I am this time) then it can be a bit of a problem.  Plus not everyone writes much on their profile so it's harder to get to know people - like you might match with someone you think is gorgeous and they think YOU are gorgeous well you assume they are attracted if they right-swipe and match - but then it's a matter of OK we think each other is cute yay but do we actually have ANYTHING in common? 

 

All 3 of these are free, I haven't tried a paid site.

 

If I could find a profile-writer for WOMEN, and i could afford it, I'd totally splash the cash on that.  There's tons of paid profile writers for men, but I haven't really seen any for women.  

 

Anyway, hope some of this is helpful?

 

I am - when I get back out there - kind of going to be applying a tip from Jerry here, in a way.  As in, have an aim that's process-related not so outcome-related.  For me one time I partially wanted to see how many dates I could get though I never met with anyone I didn't fancy rather than Oh I really want to meet a boyfriend (though I DO) and this time it's going to be let's polish up my OWN dating skills.  Even though I really want a boyfriend, I think if i use online dating in the meantime to polish up my OWN dating, communication and dating skills and thus make ME a better catch (I hope!) i think it makes the process more fun.  At least, that's the theory.

 

And that's based loosely on something Jerry once wrote on here, about having process-related goals rather than outcome-related ones, he was asking us do we think in some ways that I wish I remember exactly what he wrote!  But it can make it easier to stick to a plan of action.

 

Rather than for e.g. having sex with a certain number of women, or getting a boyfriend/girlfriend or whatever????

 

Hope that makes sense. 

 

And your reply cracks me up, I LOVE it! 

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I think I MIGHT start a journal of my own on here, of subs I'm exploring from here & how i find them.  

 

OK, one more thing I want to add on the reject rejection subliminal.  i still haven't taken it out into the offline world yet, that's in late April, but I've gotten into this website that as I said has voice chat, cam & text chat (to polish up my social & dating skills but no no I'm NOT doing any nudie stuff LOL!  Just generally chatting, actually it's usually text chat but the odd voice chat.

 

Point is, in one room, to try to show someone my face on cam, using my phone (looks crap I NEEED a web cam!) the phone made my cam show in the WHOLE chatroom.  Yeeikes!  Now, I had this troll private message me and say that I am fat & ugly!  Later on I had 22 people private message me and in 22 of the pms there were compliments and saying I am beautiful and so on, 20 guys and 2 girls (not sure WHY, I'm just average.)  ANYWAY so it was predominantly positive, right?

 

However, the first person was that troll who said I'm fat & ugly.  Normally I probably would have burst into tears and it's also possible that I MIGHT have ignored in my mind all the positive attention or focused mostly on that person saying the negative things.  (Which I thought was rude, really.  If he thinks I'm fat & ugly on cam, why chat to me at ALL, why not just avoid me?! ) Anyway, i was saying and THINKING things like, buddy that's JUST your opinion and I don't even CARE if that's what you say.  And I was thinking and saying that BEFORE the people messaged me with the compliments.  And I think that the subliminal here, reject rejection could well be the reason for that change in ME.

 

I also had another person in a different room (who I found out had been trolling & provoking others too before I came in) say to me that I am stupid.  Again, I had people rushing to my defense and saying it's clear that I'm actually intelligent.. (I am.) 

But once more, while I was shocked at his cruelty, it didn't get to me in the same way it would have done before the sub.  

 

So, I highly recommend this sub.  It helps you not to take what idiots say about you to heart, to let it roll right off you and shrug it off you.  It's a pretty amazing sub IMHO. 

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