(Copied from my reply on Light's journal and I may add a bit) With the dating thing and the action, I have a question for you.
BTW, I asked this guy (I've attracted free coaching, how cool! and my coach set this as one of my tasks, after we talked about it. To ask this guy who 18 months ago said "Go & talk to guys you fancy and I will give you tips on your approach and how to improve and what you do well." The coach said ASK him if he would still do that for you - cos back then not ONLY was I too shy to take him up on that but also I took a one year man break (stupid, stupid idea but oh well it seemed like a good idea at the time!)
I asked the guy and he said he'd be happy to do that for me. :-)
How the HELL do we stop letting our egos??? get in the way, fear of rejection, pain of rejection?
I'm not used to doing the "cold approach" (plus there is f all info out there on women on HOW to, except for the Matthew Hussey stuff and I DON'T want to go up to a guy and give him a LINE!
Coach guy and I agree that if I want to meet OFFline guys rather than the way too horny online ones who just wanna bonk, I may need to learn to cold approach and keep doing it.
Especially when I live in a city when the men (not just with me but with women in general they are too scared to approach women most times.)
How does one deal with the knockbacks?
I guess that's what I'm really asking?
I agree about the wardrobe!!! but that's hard when money is thin on the ground. Though when I got some money recently I DID include a new outfit for dates and social events (it's classy but also shows off my curves :-) )
And the scary thing also is, the coach said less jeans and sports shoes and more dresses - not for guys but to get you out of your comfort zone. Cos it's lack of body confidence, it is. I agree there. One time there was a heatwave, back in 2013? And I felt like I HAD to wear miniskirts when out but as a rule no way, not anymore!
How do I cold approach over and over again, and not let rejections etc. let me get discouraged? Esp. when I'm quite a bit older and often feel like therefore I am running out of time to get a relationship (Like I've said, I'm a cougar, but in a romantic, rather than sexual way, so therefore I feel time pressures???)
I want to add that I AM making progress in terms of being a bit more secure, I think.
I met a guy last Saturday who I like a lot at this stage anyway but I seem to be more able to put it into perspective?
I like him, I'd LOVE to see him again, I DO feel there is relationship potential there (if that is something he is open to.)
I am OK with it overall if he is not. Or if I do not get to see him again.
Whereas a few weeks ago, I'd probably send some needy and or snarky message if I didn't hear within a certain amount of time? A GREAT way to get guys interested - NOT!
So I'm making progress, you know?
But now I may need to uplevel and - yeah, take this to a whole new level bust open wide my comfort zone and start going up to guys at events that i find attractive (and that's rare that I even do, so when I fancy someone, it's hard NOT to put him on a pedestal? I actually think the online dating helps in that with all the looking I eventually DO see guys I find attractive so it's not AS rare?) (and no I CAN'T date or sleep with a guy I'm NOT attracted to, I've TRIED! and also I am NOT shy around guys I am NOT attracted to, going to singles events and chatting to guys who I don't fancy is quite easy for me, it's guys I feel attraction to that it's difficult?) and saying hi or whatever. And for me - esp. with ALL the conditioning I have had that if you do THAT men assume you are a slut and will NEVER like you!! (yes, that's really pretty much what they tell you!) how do I do this and deal with you know, the rejection from all the guys who I am NOT their type?
And not let that deter me?
I think somebody maybe even the guy I said about that i saw on the weekend gone I think HE said something about oh yeah that's right, about a guy might get a good response from 1 in 10 women he approaches good as in SHE is interested back. I might have the same odds, you know. I don't know. And it's NOT like when I was selling Avon briefly or cookies once and I was like to myself heck I am getting closer and closer to my yes now, the stakes feel higher this time!
Any tips? On how to be RESILIENT when cold approaching?
And like I've said what I am WANTING ultimately is a boyfriend.
I could have sex with a different good looking guy every week I'm literally not kidding there. I get the offers, even though I'm average.
But that's NOT what I'm wanting.
I wanna get more dates ATM it's one a month.
And I want a boyfriend damn it!
So it feels like bigger stakes and more to lose than if I was just looking for bed buddies?
But even though a lot of dating advice says for women to approach first is "unfeminine" and that guys will NOT respect me if I am the one who approaches first, to HELL with it, I wanna try this anyway and I wanna get GREAT at this. You know, like how salespeople are, but with dating prospects??
It might also be amazing long-term for building up my social confidence and networking skills.
Tons of guys might be gay or married or taken or just not interested in my type (curvy, White brunette MILF-y apparently)
I wanna enjoy the approach and not get too hung up on results.
I want the goal to BE approaching them (even though ultimately I want a good outcome.)